Remembering with great affection an old pal

I graduated from college ten years ago last Tuesday. I was 31 graduating. My class wasn't big. Within our class there was a group of five of us, all very different but yet with lots in common. We minded each other, guided each other, encouraged, supported, cajoled each other for four years. We ate lunch, went for coffee, had debates, took notes for each other if someone missed class. It was a wonderful wonderful experience and summed up for me the rich experience of being a full time student, as a Mature student.

We all moved on and live in different cities etc. we kept up some contact but lost contact as we all got jobs. However, we linked in for key times, holidays, weddings, having kids, bereavements etc

On September 16th it was ten years since we graduated. A bittersweet day for me as it marks one of my greatest achievements and also marks the day a loved one took ill unexpectedly, and died shortly after.  She died far far too young so this time of year brings a melancholy as it is.

So I was devastated yesterday morning to get a call from one of my college 'team' to say that one of our dearest pals had died. It was completely unexpected and he had not been ill. Just sudden instant illness. How absolutely unjust and devastating. The remaining four of us spent the rest of the day and today linking in with each other, texting and long calls. The connection, the friendship instantly rekindled.

Alas our dear pal is gone, far far too soon. So farewell wonderful man. I will remember you for your intelligence, your insight, your awareness, your smile, your strength and your vulnerability . I remember your wicked wicked sense of humour, your laugh when a chuckle overtook you and stifled the end of your sentence.
Cheerio for now lovely man, see you on the other side💕💕💕💕💕💕

Lottery day dreams.

I have spent many an hour daydreaming about winning the lottery. Sometimes l feel it very strongly that l will win, i feel so sad when the staff in Centra check my ticket and say...not a winner.

When l was pregnant with my first child l went through a lot of nights where l would wake in the early hours and sleep would escape me.  i was too tired to read.  one night/morning l decided to plan what l would do with a big lottery win, in the event of me winning it.
I felt like having a plan for the windfall would take some of the shock and stress out of the situation.

Now l genuinely would give bucket loads of it away.  But to be fair l always said if we could pay off our mortgage and had nothing left over that would be a godsend in itself.

Then we could give huge amounts of the cash to charity.  Local, national and international charities.
There are so many charities dear to my heart this would be a dream.

I made the dream very real. I set up my own charitabe foundation and this in itself would provide a job for life for myself, my husband and some of our lovely friends.

I made a list of charities locally.  As a social Worker l am aware of huge gaping holes in terms of service provision for the most vulnerable members of our society.  The same goes for nationally.
on an international scale there are  charities l donate durilng the year, but especially at Christmas.

It is a day dream l love taping into. The thought of helping those who devote their lives to helping others.  The thought of being able to effect positive change is a truly wonderful experience.

As  a Social Worker you can give your life to trying to help individuals, groups and families.  Some clients are resistant and do not want your help, other families have heartbreak that can never be changed so you work towards acceptance with them.  Other work you do requires services and funding that simply does not exist.

So to win the lottery and to be in a position to help a family modify a home for a wheelchair user, or pay for a hoist, or help a family pay for relief nursing, or to help a community have the funding to create a new playground, build a youth cafe, a centre for mothers and children, extra services for hungry and homeless, provide appropriate social activities for addicts in recovery...well to be able to do this...now that is priceless

Internationally to be able to help with schools for children, provide teachers, to provide school supplies, to train locals to be the teachers in their own schools, to provide a family with the means to feed themselves, to provide a family with alternative energy ideas such as harnessing solar power to run their homes.   the stuff that real dreams are made of

Dreaming

Dreaming
I dream of being me.
The me I've always wanted to be
I dream of setting myself free

Exhale Relax and ease into being
Stop worrying, thinking, weighing up and analysing
Stop fretting about  the what ifs and maybes

Go gently with confidence to the place in your head you are longing to inhabit

Surrender to the peace, it will wash over you like a soothing balm

Drown out the harsh sounds and disapproving voices, the tut tutting that penetrates the whimsical

Dwell in the softness, the spontaneous, the gentle pace of mindfulness

youth..is it wasted on the youth

Youth is wasted on the youth...An essay title from your teens
You always thought you answered it well..well enough
Today, however, it has flashed across your mind

My God

Did l waste my youth?? What a waste, l will never get it to do over

So much time caught up in nonesense, nothingness
So many wasted opportunities


But Wait.
This is my journey. My adventure. And it has been exactly that. Full of adventure and mistakes and lots more. Full of friends and love and laughter and memories made.
 It led me here.
It led me to this place.
There can be no regrets

Go Gently Forward

JUST LET GO

Do not replay the conversations now
They are passed....

Words that wounded
Words that scarred
Words that tore at your heart and soul
Words that turned your world upside down
Words that grieved you



They are gone now, lost in time

The wounds heal

You have no need to re-open them

Close the door on them.

Go Gently Forward with love

I hope

not pretty
not perfect
not elegant
not petite

Hopelessly flawed

BUT

kind and thoughtful I HOPE
likeable I HOPE
loyal I HOPE
reliable I HOPE
generous I HOPE


At least i have HOPE

hoPE

A Mother's Guilt

Today I will Try
I will try
Not to criticise
not to be negative

To let the small stuff go
To let them be
To let them see
To let them become themselves
To see the beauty of themselves inside and out

I will try
To let them be children
let them be who they want to be
Let them explore and experiment
Let them feel joy
Let them feel air
Let them feel free

The criticism is the polar opposite of what is in my heart
What is in my heart?

To Cherish Them

I Cherish Them

Them xx

Healing ME

Trust your instincts
Listen to Yourself
Give Yourself time and space
Afford Yourself the kindness and commpassion you extend to others

Be Charitable in your self-reflection
You are the best person you can be in this moment

Nothing is set in stone
A fresh start awaits us every single day

Live
Learn
Evolve
and Keep Gently Moving Forward

my world

My world is small and safe
and yet l would happily traverse the globe

I'd go to far flung places with my family
they are my safety net
my happy place

Yet somedays it has all l have in me
to walk up the road
to walk and get the air l crave

i think about it
i envisage it
l can feel the fresh air
and yet- I remain

Then the moment passes
Later on l reflect
i should have gone (I say)

Its not just making a pot of soup

My first memories of making soup go right back  into my early teens. So you could say l have been making soup for over 25 years now.  Making soup however is not just making soup.  As I look back over those years now ,each different stage , the making of soup has had a special significance.

In my mid teens soup making was ;Sunday nights at my best friend's house, just a few doors down the street.  She was a few years older than me and we went to different secondary schools. We saw each other during the week but not a whole lot.  I got home from school at around 5pm every day and then had dinner with my family and then started on homework.
Sunday night always felt a bit like the end of the world after the fun of the weekend spent with all of our friends, but Sunday night became about making soup.   I learned the soup making technique from my friend. We would stand shoulder to shoulder in her kitchen as l watched, and eventually helped her, as she meticulously diced onions,carrots, celery and potato. These were added to the pot with some butter and herbs.  We would be engrossed in our conversation which took us back over the activities of the weekend but the next time l would look l'd realise stock had been added and brought to the boil and then when it was set to simmer..well the kettle went on then and it was time to sit at the table and have a good natter.
When the soup was ready we would both have a small bowl, maybe with a slice of bread and butter.  Then the soup was put in containers in the fridge, and some in the freezer and that was her lunch for the week organised.

Scroll forward ten years and l am a professional working in residential care and community based family support.  The focus is on teaching life skills to young people, or to mums in need of support with feeding their families.  The real benefit though is the shared experience, the non threatening format of standing elbow to elbow with a young person/adult at a worktop. The fact that no eye contact is needed, and that there is no pressure to talk, other than the task of making the soup. The process is therapeutic,is calming. There is a shared sense of purpose and it is a great leveller.   I must say that some of the most amazing experiences of connecting with others and having meaningful interaction with them has been done chopping vegetables and stirring soup.  The sense of pride when a young person presents the finished soup to their peers is so pure and wonderful. It says here is your healthy and nutritious lunch, it is good for you in every way, it is made with love.

Years later, l am living in Australia.  Living on a budget.  Living with some who would eat instant noodles every night and others who would eat nothing but cereal. Others loved fast food.  The making of the soup again. Imagine a hostel kitchen. lots of activity, lots of chat, everybody gathered around. The soup is made, the smell begins to form and drift slowly across the large kitchen, noses twitch, eyes dart about. whats the smell they say. Tis soup l say, its for my lunch for the week...would you like to try some l say...happy chatting, happy campers, spoons clinking, scraping the last remnants of soup from the side of bowls and mugs.  Its mighty good soup eh?  It is indeed.  Soup gone, lunch for the week will be fruit and crackers. How bad eh?  Happy and well fed.  A few stragglers wandering in, admiring the smell, sorry to have missed the soup.  I'll make it again next week when l get paid.


Years on and l have finished five years of university, have found love, bought a home, gained a mortgage and started the job l have always wanted, Sunday night soup making resumes.  I make the soup and put it in take away cartons.  A good pot of soup can give me a lunch for two weeks.  My husband refuses to eat soup unless its from a packet and only one particular brand.  Really, i kid you not.  He is not a good vegetable eater either, so l incorporate the soup mix into casseroles, curries, stews and stir fries.  Feeling like l have deceived him a little bit, but feeling like l also did him a favour by helping with his five a day..I'm not good with guilt though so l confess and am relieved that he thinks its a great idea.

Its now 2014.  The soup is still going strong.  The recipe changes over the years. No butter obviously, sometimes its extra virgin olive oil, sometimes it starts off with water in the pot with herbs.  Sometimes its less potato and butternut sqush, othertimes its whatever is in the fridge.   Now, My kids enjoy making the soup with me and watching as i portion it out into individual cartons. Some is put in freezer. Some goes in the fridge.  Like mother like daughter, my wee woman loves a bowl of the soup.  Like father like son, my wee boy makes dramatic faces when l ask him to taste it.  So I continue to use it in curries and sauces, in stir fries and stews.  I havent told him yet as l want him to eat it.

-

Live..Give..Be 

Some days when we rise our heads above our own corner of the world we take a peek and reel backwards from what we see
So much bitterness and Despair and Cruelty
 Injustice is all around us, not just in the places we imagine
Its hidden in every corner and sometimes where we least expect it

So much deprivation and yet so much wealth and abundance
So much abundance, the vulgarity of it knows no bounds

And yet, True Heroes walk among us
Their Kindness is Limitless
They Gift the World themselves

Dignity, Integrity, Compassion, Empathy, Humanity, Reality

Their energy is effervescent
Their passion burns brightly
being exposed to them even for a short time makes us feel inadequate- like holding mirror to your heart and soul and seeing nothing of meaning there

To live is give
give yourself
Be present
Be real
 Be

Its that time again...DETOX

I did this at the start of the year for about five weeks and it is absolutely time to do it again.

Tomorrow is the kick off and basically it means l will  :

1.Drink very little tea.
2. Drink lots of hot water and peppermint and green tea
3. Not eat bread, pasta or rice or noodles and cut down on cheese
4.make a huge pot of my healthy soup and have it for lunch and dinner
5. Eat lots of salad and stir fries
6. Go to sleep a little early every night.
7. Go for a walk every day
8. Resist cake,biscuits, sweets,crips, chocolate,icecream,
9; Drink the kidney cleansing parsley tea l make with fresh parsley
10. Meditate or have quiet time once a day for deep breathing/relaxation.

I have to say, once l am in the zone I feel great.  These are things l should be doing everyday, but to be honest some part of it always slips over time.  However I do my absolute best to stick to it, in fact the routine and the structure of it agrees with me.

It started with a Kimono

While getting dressed this morning l looked for something light to throw on over my black dress and pants. I reached for a grey floral short kimono. it comes to the waist and hides my least favourite fleshy wobbly parts of myself.  its so light, and pretty and as l love black clothes it goes with pretty much everything.
l thought  to myself how  great it would be to have a short kimono jacket  in every colour.
Within a minute l was daydreaming of having my own market stall, selling simple kimonos, short to waist, three quarter length sleeve, in every colour. i can see my stall in my minds eye with the kimonos lined up on hangers in order of colour running from dark to warm to light and bright.
I imagined the bags i would put the sold kimonos in and the logo on the side.
My mind quickly  jumped to accessorising. Some might wear the kimono jacket open, but others like me might like to fasten them at the waist with a ribbon, or a belt. Others might opt for a brooch fastening it at the empire line. I could sell ribbons and fabric belts, as well as felt brooches. I could also sell bangles and beads and baubles.  These too are a few of my favourite things.
.I imagined dropping my kids to school every morning  and then heading onto to a market. I could set up my stall for the day and wind it down after lunch in time to collect the kids from school. Maybe at weekends  I'd be taking the kids with me to help out, visiting festivals and events with our own trailer and stall.

..beep beep. there goes the washing machine to jolt me out of my reverie, but as day dreams go, it was lovely.

Tuesday dreaming

Well here l am. Its Tuesday morning, kids are at school. the house is silent.
After two weeks off school on their EAster Break, l do appreciate the silence.
I had a great time while they were off and l like to think they had a great break, we did lots of things. I took my daughter to England for a surprise weekend break, her dad took her for her first hike.
i had lots of quality time cuddling with my son. Its what he really enjoys. We went for nice walks around the neighbourhood, well me on foot, the kids on bikes/scooters.  We planted flowers, went to garden centres, visited family.
I had lots of play dates for them, school friends and cousins over to visit. The weather was great so they got to have picnics outside in garden with their friends.
I  have to admit though, by  Sunday night l absolutely tanked. the energy that had carried me through the holidays seemed to evaporate.  Im glad to say that instead of battling it, l just went with it and embraced it. There is nothing quite like laying down on sofa with a blanket, lights out and candles going. that lovely state of not sleeping but not fully awake either.
I did the same last night after the kids had gone to bed and l must say that it is such a nice way to wind down after a busy few weeks.

 l had a busy start this morning, same as every other mum: school run, putting on wash, making beds, tidying up after breakfast, loading and unloading dishwasher nd washing machine, folding and putting away laundry.
BUT now, its time for tea and toast and some nice music playing in background.
MAGIC

Why bad radio is rewarded and the good shows are shoved aside

I do enjoy listening to radio. Good radio that is.   Over the years myself and my husband had some favourite radio shows which we preferred to tune into weekly rather than watch television.  Many years ago our favourite thing to listen to was the Fionn O'LEary Show on Radio One on Sunday nights. It wasnt just that he played classical and opera music, but that Fionn would transport you to the country of the performer but he would give an insight into the performers life. We would be in raptures as he transported us to Modena , hometown of Luciano Pavarotti.  He would regale us with stories of the Modena Choir, which featured Pavarotti's father, performing in Cork.  Sadly, this show was discontinued and replaced with a much more bland version, without the wonderful Fionn O' Leary with his enchanting voice.
In more recent years we really enjoyed the Cormac Battle Show on sunday nights.  A wonderful blend of rock anthems.  A wonderfully enthusiasitic presenter with a great affinity with his listeners.  Again sadly, this show was taken off the air, a victim of the radio station- 2FM doing a big reshuffle

Then the ultimate insult. the Tom Dunne show gets moved from its morning slot. A warm, witty, intelligent, presenter with a show that was very enjoyable morning listening gets shoved to a later night slot. WHY? WHY?

.What l do not like are Talk Shows. The Talk Shows that are hosted by arrogant,opinionated and thoughtless presenters.  I avoid them completely but am aware how many people are hooked on them and treat the presenters with a reverance as if they were an authority on pretty much everything.

Late,Last night l had to take a very sick child to a medical centre  .  As we sat in the waiting room, my little woman lay across me, listless, we had the misfortune to be subjected to a talk show on the radio being played out loud.
It was Classic Hits 4FM. Not a station l have ever even heard of to be honest.  The presenter, Niall Boylan, one of these arrogant, obnoxious presenters with a Guy Hollywood accent.  l cannot abide this calibre of presentler.
Obviously these presenters are cherry picked for their personalitys, their opinions, and their ability to shock, be controversial and to antagonise listeners so it encourages dialogue.  I understand this.

What l cannot tolerate is the deliberate intent to offend, to antagonise, to distress. In addition to this, there is the lack of consistent opinion or view but a constant contradiction of opinions.

Last night i had to endure this guy discussing the amount of money the HSE spends on cosmetic operations for members of the public.  The total spend for last year was quoted as €3.2 million.  It obviously covered a whole range of surgical proceedures. However, Mr. Boylan chose to specifically focus on breast surgeries.
HE went on to say that the women of Ireland were telling their sob stories to the HSE about their unhappinness with the size of their breasts, be it too large , or too small, and then the HSE were paying for the surgeries.

What l found hugely offensive, and unsettling was the following :
Mr. Boylan focused specifically on women who have breast enlargement surgery. He said "We pay for these surgeries so to be far we should all get a feel off them ".  All these women are benefitting from operations we paid for so "why shouldn't we all get a feel off them".

I was horrified. Who the hell is this guy? What radio station manager thinks its ok to say something like this.
Worst of all my seven year old daughter is looking up at me, wide eyed, saying, why is that man saying those things about women. Thats not very appropriate is it?
 I looked at her and said l was sorry she had heard it, l had tried to keep talking quietly to her so she wouldnt hear it.  I explained to her that he was just saying crazy things to try to get more people listen to his show.

I have never done this before but l actually texted the show and said
"You should be ashamed. Shameful lack of respect for women. Am at hospital with a sick child and your show is on the air. Its hard to explain your thoughtless comments to my child."

A few minutes later, Mr. Boylan read my text out on the air and instead of focusing on my comments about lack of respect for women, he chose to target me as a bad parent for letting my child listen to what is clearly an ADULT SHOW, eventhough l had explained it was on air in hospital waiting room.

I sent a brief reply to the show saying " The show is on in the hospital A&E. I cannot control that.I wasted a text on you. I do know it is an adult show".

Obviously Mr. Boylan is not the only radio show of its sort on Irish radio, but for me, it was the one l had the misfortune to be subjected to.  And while l can ensure l never have to listen to it again EVER, its upsetting to think that presenters  are paid to ridicule women and make throwaway comments that are rude, incredible offensive and disrespectful to women. Especially when quality shows seem to be cast aside.  what does that say about audiences?

Book Of Doing Daily Challenge

The Book of Doing..Everyday Activities to Unlock your Creativity and Joy.

today l opened the book on a random page.

My project for today is to:

Adopt a Holiday That You Have Never Celebrated Before
Its an opportunity to learn something about another culture and try some new food, songs and expressions.



I have chosen Diwali.
Diwali is the Hindu Festival of Lights which represents the start of the Lunar New Year
Diwali comes from ancient Hindu word Deepavali which means light.  Deepa and Avali which means a row of lights.
Symbolically it represents an escape from Darkness.

It allows Hindus to focus on the positive in every day life.  Each year the festival, which takes place in October/November, is started with fireworks.  Families light candles and lamps in their homes to welcome Lakshmi, Goddess of prosperity and wealth.


I think l chose Diwali for a number of reasons.
I have always wanted to visit India. I love Indian food. I love Indian clothes and costumes. I love the vibrancy of colours associated with India. I do enjoy Indian Music, its very conducive to meditation or quiet time for reflection.  India is somewhere l hope to eventually get to visit. Myself and himself always say we will go when we retire.

In terms of the festival, l love candles and lamps.  I love entertaining and having friends over.
I can see myself having a Diwali gathering this year with lots and lots of candles, Indian food and friends gathered.

My mum always called me her indian princess, l think this was due to my love of bright colours and my huge collection of scarves and shawls and pashminas. I wear one every day wrapped around me. I love the brightest of colours.

So this year. I look forward to celebrating the Hindu Festival of Lights- Diwali.

Doing

A most beloved person in my life gave me a present of this for my birthday

It is jam packed with challenges. Fun things, things outside your comfort zone, things to make you laugh, think, deliberate...but as name says Full of things to do.   I have undertaken to complete one challenge per day. I will record each challenge as I go🙋

Homemade pesto.

Home remodelling..on a tight budget💶

Maybe it was the horrendous winter and all the time spent indoors, coupled with the long awaited arrival of spring and all the energy it brings, but I'm all consumed with 'doing up" the house.   My evenings are spent online drooling over wallpapers from John Lewis and Laura Ashley. Paint ideas from Farrow and Ball, furnishings from Meadows and Byrne, Avoca. It's endless(I love it)

Who knew you could fall head over heels for a colour!!!! Oh Duck Egg Blue, how I adore you, cerise you enthral me, Sage Green so soothing and calming.

This is all well and good but as I may have mentioned in previous blogs....a million times...I'm on a career break so there is the financial glitch there in realising my home makeover dreams. This of course has spawned Pinterest folders galore such as the folder "Dream House", Fab Furnishings, Outside Spaces and so on.
The good thing about Pinterest is the cheap and cheerful ideas to transform your home.
I have been putting it into practice. I started with our bedroom. I got new Teal Curtains in Penneys€20.  I got new bedside Lamps, €12 each in Dunnes. The rest was down to scarves...of which I have MANY....  Instead of having headboard of bed reupholstered, I covered in a beautiful bird print scarf which I tacked on. I also made new tie backs for Curtains...yes you've guessed it, from a scarf..
I gave the room a good clean and declutter and I must say. It's feeling fresh and new all for €44😊😊

This is one of the many pics from my Pinterest folder, beloved Colours

☕️☕️☕️☕️Teatime

Buffet for friends💕😊

To all the amazing women in my life. I salute you,
For all that you are to me, all that you help me be,

The secrets shared, the problems solved,
The plans made, the joy, the sorrow, all lived through together.

The looking ahead, the looking back, the revisiting, the remembering, the guiding through, the helpful hand, all shared together
With laughter
With love
With tears of sorrow,
Holding hands,
the knowing glance,
Unspoken words,
Twinkling eyes,
Cheeky grins,
Heads thrown back with belly laughs
All together.

To all my beautiful female friends, thank you for sharing the journey with me. I love you and am grateful to have you in my world💕💕💕💕👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭👭

Fresh Start. Reclaim Your Life

Breathe:   

Kind. 

Mind

Move

Gently

Smile Often

Love

Health

Remove bad

Simplify

Purify

Cleanse

Stop

Assess

Think

Move on

Visualise

Nourish

Believe

Cant Cook/Wont Cook. VERY VERY BASIC RECIPES FOR THE RELUCTANT COOK

 In an earlier post l described how l had been hearing more and more of people saying they cant cook, and in one or two cases ..that they dont DO cooking.
These people were relying on their partners to do all the cooking, or in some cases, they were looking to in laws to cook dinners for them.

When l was working with young people who were separated from their families we tried to break down cooking into its simplest forms, not always pretty cooking, but simple and achievable.

I thought I would put some recipes out there that might help somebody who wants to cook but thinks they cannot so they wont even try.

I am not a chef, a cook, l am not an authority on cooking, nutrition or anything of the sort.
I am just somebody who cooks for her own family every day and spent years working with young people trying to give them some skills so they could embrace independant living and fend for themselves, and their own families.

PESTO PASTA/OR SPAGHETTI

You will need:
One packet of pasta shapes, or spaghetti
1 "brick" of frozen spinach
2 cups of frozen peas
jar of pesto
1 vegetable stock cube, or a chicken stock cube
Cheddar Cheese.

What to do:

*fill a pot with water and bring to boil
*add some salt, about a tablespoon
*Add the pasta, or spaghetti and stir it a few times just to make sure it doesnt stick together
*Then add peas and spinach
*pasta can take approx 12 mins to cook but check your packet to be sure as they can vary
*When the pasta is ready get a strainer and pour the pasta into it.  if you can, try to save about a half cup of  water at the end of the pot.
*add the strained pasta and veg back into the pot
*add three tablespoons of pesto sauce and stir through gently, make sure all the pasta is coated.
* put the pasta into a serving bowl
*Grate parmesan or cheddar cheese on top and mix in gently

* serve with crusty bread and side salad.

THis is a very tasty simple dinner and could easily serve about  6 people a decent bowl of pasta.

Cleanse for the kidneys.

Lots of people do such drastic detoxes, their systems must be traumatised.   I found a lovely cleanse for the kidneys. God knows they work bloody hard. Why not give them a bit of pampering😊

 This is all it takes

Use a bunch of fresh Parsley.

Rinse it under water, then chop it finely

Then fill a saucepan with water, add in the parsley and bring it to the boil.

Then once it has boiled turn the heat off. Pour the water through a sieve into a jug and leave to cool. You are left with a cool, light green water bursting with vitamins and minerals.

I poured the cooled water into my beaker, into fridge and got it nice and cold. I sipped it for the rest of the day. 

Projects for myself and kids

I ave to say how much I love Pinterest. I have a whole folder there where I find and store ideas, especially I ally things to do with kids. This is today's task. The kids have tennis after school. When we get home we will do homework first and then this.  

Can't Cook OR Won't Cook

Over the last number of years l have met a number of people who have told me that they cannot cook. Not that they are limited in their repetoire, or not the most confident or competent in the kitchen. They literally said they CANNOT COOK.

Those two words baffle me.  I mean, l have never done a rack of lamb or attempted a souffle, but l can cook.

I started gently as a teenager and bit by bit over the years have build up a repetoier of family dinners that seem to go down well.  Some dishes l make just for me, as himself and the kids will not eat them. Others are firm family favourites. Then there are dishes that are great for feeding a large group of family or friends that are tasty and simple to make. I am talking straight up dinners here, nothing fancy at all.

Anyway, the cannot cook thing has me stumped. What intrigues me more though is the extent to which the CANNOT COOK individuals will go to validate this. Recently somebody told me she was broke from getting take aways.When l asked why they had so many take away meals she said, "sure I can't cook".

I asked what she meant by that. She said "I'd burn water".  When she saw the somewhat bewildered expression on my face she quickly launched into a rant about how sexist it was of me and that nobody would ask a man the same question.

To be fair I would ask a man the same question.

I was with my mother in law recently and a lady she knows was cooking a lasagne for her son to take home. He was calling for it on the way home from work. I asked why?  

His wife doesnt do cooking. Not that she cant cook, or is unable to cook...she doesnt do cooking.

I just do not get that at all.
How hard is it to make a simple meal.
Any man, woman or teenager has the means to make a simple meal for themselves in a short amount of time and without any huge effort required, especially in this day and age when the range of foods, fresh and frozen is fantastic.

Treat YOURSELF......

About ten days ago my husband gave me some money to Treat Myself.
We are not rich, we are hardworking and do our best to save as best we can.  It was very kind of him. He acknowledged how hard l am working as a stay at home mum, and also that as a mom on a career break l dont have the money l once had to treat myself to something if l want it.

of course, l did what my own mum was great at doing too.
I bought groceries, new curtains for one of the bedrooms, badly needed, and l bought some gifts that were due: new baby and birthday gifts.

my husband thanked me for buying all these necessary things. Then he gave me a pep talk on learning to splash out, treat myself and not worry about what functional or practical things l could do with the money. He gave me more money and told me to try again...something for me. just for me.

So today, l took my mother in law to our favourite Dunnes Stores.  We floated around the Carolyn donnelly section. which l love. then we hit the Paul Costello and homeware. I knew l was on unsteady ground here so l drifted off for a peek at clothes.
I bought myself a lovely grey jacket. It took my eye immediately. funnily enough once l made up my mind to treat myself it all came back to me fairly quickly and l grabbed a lovely black handbag, two necklaces, a pair of earrings and some very cute vintage style hair clips. i moved quickly to counter before l changed my mind and stocked up on non perishable groceries....

I was paying and the girl at the check out smiled at me and said my purchases were lovely. i explained about the mission to actually treat myself.  So she said, well, l cant put these in just any old dunnes paper bag can l . She produced one of the "foncy" Carolynn Donnelly bags and put my jacket in there and another for the rest of my purchases. She winked at me and said l hope you enjoy them.

As l walked out of the store smiling, my mother in law said "For God sake, dont return them". Cut the tags off right away". Then she added, her usual mantra, "look after yourself always, nobody else will do it for you".

Name your price

I saw a headline on the cover of a newspaper today which said that Claudia Schiffer revealed she had previously been offered €1,000,000 by a very rich gentleman for an evening with her. Just like in the movie Indecent Proposal.  Claudia declined.

I then read that Kim Kardashian had accepted half a million dollars from an American Billionaire for a dinner date and to accompany him to a function/evening event.  It is reported that she accepted.

It is not uncommon for pop stars, females in particular, to be invited by wealthy men/royalty to come to their country and perform for a private function/party etc.
I am always amazed to read that women accept these offers.
I dont care how much money they are paid.

Why is it that these strong talented women tell themselves it is ok to go to Uganda or The Yemen or somewhere similar to perform at the behest of a rich man. Come and perform for me but ignore your dignity, your integrity and most of all ignore the plight of women in our our country,or human rights violations in our nation. Just come and sing for my sons 16th birthday party and in return l will pay for your expeneses and give you a million bucks..   you already have many many millions but hey, what the heck

"Chicken Soup for the soul".....

As many of my friends know, l have come through what has been a very difficult year to 18 months. I had a lot of health problems, none of which was life threatening, but they were ongoing and constant and meant l was exhausted for a very long time and sick from all the medication l was taking. The loss of energy and vitality was, l found, a very depressing experience for me.  I was reduced to sitting at home resting and collecting kids from school. going home again. That and doctors appointments, physiotherapy appointments and chiropractic appointments.  I must also say that the constant worry about financial instability was a huge strain on both myself and my husband.
However, when you have less money, you budget more and in fact you can stretch your income with a bit of practice.

I have also said in earlier blog entries about the restorative power social media, in particular Twitter had on my overall wellbeing. The kindness of strangers, the friendships l have made, the penpals l now exchange cards and small gifts with, it has been an immensely comforting experience.

I have worked very hard on my health, my wellbeing. I have taken tonics, vitamins, energy boosting foods, mood lifting teas, teas to help with stress, to help with sleep, meditation, relaxation apps. you name it, l have done it.

So here l am. It has been 16 months since l last worked in my chosen profession. I had a lengthy spell of sick leave and am now thrilled to be 7 months into a three year career break.
In spite of my head cold this week l am enjoying much improved health, my back problem and constant pain are  far better.
My mood has lifted in tandem with my improved health.

People often ask me what would l like to do with the rest of my life..big question. afterall l am on a career break so at the end of three years my profession beckons again.
however l see lots of other options opening up that l would not have seen before.  I will never make lots of money, but as long as l have enough for the basics that's enough.

This week my kids are on midterm break from school.
We are having a lovely time. not perfect, but real and lovely.
Today l took them for a haircut, then took them to an activity centre, then made lunch, took them to store to run errands, home, made them their dinner, had some of their pals over to play. All simple, no rush, no fuss, just go with the flow.
Then l  baked brown bread, made a lovely chicken casserole for dinner and tonight l baked cup cakes.
Nothing there that l havent done before I know

It touched me to the core of my being. I felt such a sense of peace and calm and happiness.
I think after years of being a full time working mum, this new phase of me being at home full time has made our life much simpler.
I finished the day kissing my kids goodnight  As they went to sleep i was back in the kitchen  icing cup cakes singing along to Nora Jones on the  Ipod

Love

My 9th wedding anniversary today. 15 years  together in total.  Globe trotting, hiking, backpacking, degrees, diplomas, promotions, meals, movies, music, plays, passports, drivers licence, bills, furniture shopping, planning, saving, smiling, laughing.
Two kids second house many cars, amazing holidays. Tragedy, loss, grief, elation, teamwork, hard times, financial pressure, romance, carefree weekends, babies teething, high temperatures, late night feeds, sleep deprivation, first steps, first words, first days at school, play dates, pagents, swimming lessons, date nights, holding hands, snuggling in bed our family of four,

Having fun with table centrepiece

making my own bread

my husband is a bread lover.  I too am a bread lover and it follows on that the kids are too.
However, l love granary loves, seeded breads, brown breads, oat breads etc.
Over the past three months l have worked on weaning the kids off white processed sliced bread and bread rolls which are mass produced and baked in convenience stores. God, they love them.  I have tried to explain that they are not very healthy for them.
I started trying them with the shop purchased brown bread, soda bread, wheat loaves etc that l purchase in the shop.
I'm happy to say that over time they have embraced this and now have brown bread for breakfast, they will also have bread in their lunchbox.

I progressed to making my own brown breads with the kids and they enjoy this.  My daughter started spreading honey on hers and l must say I cheered silently that day.

A few weeks ago one of my Lovely Twitter pals sent me a lovely bread recipe that is big on flavour, easy to make and is inexpensive in terms of ingredients.
Its safe to say l have made it every second day since. The kids help me make it sometimes. They have commented on how much they like the smell of bread backing in the house in the afternoon when doing their homework.
I am enjoying making it, and eating it :)

Making my own house cleaning products.

This project has given me a huge amount of satisfaction as the finished product is something l am using on a daily basis.
I found a tip on Pinterest that said vinegar and oranges can clean extremely well around the house.
I set about getting myself organised. l bought Mason Jars, you know the jars with the clasp lid to keep them well sealed.  I also bought myself spray bottles.
I bought a very large bottle of white vinegar and we always have oranges in the house so l was all set.
My daughter who is 7 was very interested in the concept, the process and was keen to see and smell the finished product.

I put lots of orange peels and the remaining juice from them, into the jar and filled the jar. Then i poured in as much vinegar as l could fit into it.  I put a label on the jar with the date, below that we put the date for two weeks time. THis is how long it takes to ferment shall we say.

My daughter was checking the calender every day after school to see when it was ready.  On the day in question she went off to school.  I transferred the liquid from the jar to my spray bottle through a funnel.
I then cleared the kitchen worktops and began spraying, cloth in hand at the ready.
The smell is strong and to be honest, it was a concern that l would find it too hideous to use, but surprisingly enough, l very quickly got used to the smell. I cleaned up a storm, the kitchen , the cabinet doors, the sink, the bathrooms , the fireplace, the windows, the mirrors.  Wow. It felt good.

I collected my 5 year old son from school at 1pm.  We come home at that time every day, l give him some lunch and then we head back to school for 2.30pm  to pick up my daughter.
When we got back for lunch my little boy says..ohhhhhhhh, whats the smell, its ponking.
I laughed and showed him the spray. He said he wasnt too sure about it.

We had lunch.
At 2.50pm  we arrived home with my daughter. I get her a snack and she does her homework in the kitchen/diner.  She had the opposite reaction. She asked her what the smell was, l showed her the spray bottle.  She was thrilled that it was ready at last. She said she really liked the smell and she said it reminded her of the sweet and sour sauce from the local chinese restaurant. we had only been there once before, last week, as a treat with my parents.

So this is the second week of using the spray. I have a spray bottle for upstairs and a spray bottle for downstairs.   I also have a second batch of the mix brewing in a jar in the utility room.

Cooking Challenge- Cauliflower Crust Pizza.

First of all when people see the name Cauliflower and pizza in same recipe, the reaction seems to fall into two distinct camps: The Horrified , or those who want the recipe immediately.
For me, l wanted the recipe immediately. I finally found a nice one on Pinterest.

The Recipe is great for those who want more veg in their diet, those who are on low carb diets or those who are vegetarian.
I adore vegetables. I can go happily for a week without meat or poultry or fish to be honest.
Secondly, lm trying to limit carbohydrates. THirdly, I am attempting something akin to the 5:2 diet at the moment.

Here is how it looked at the start, in the oven and the finished product.

I must say l enjoyed making it, the recipe was easy to follow. it didnt take long to prepare or make.



Nobody in my household, bar me would eat this, so i had it as my main meal today.  I had no breakfast, a soup lunch and rice cakes to snack on mid afternoon so l didnt mind having this whole pizza for me.

The Proof of the Pudding is in the eating:
The Verdict.  Big Thumbs Up for this idea, this recipe.
I really enjoyed it. It would be gorgeous with a side salad. Great to share with friend

You can also do a variation of this and make mini pizzas or light bites, or make rice balls with it and dipping sauce.

My project challenge

In October 2013 l was sick and eventually had to come out of work on sick leave. to make a long story short l was sick for quite a long time and finally was lucky enough to be in a position to take a career break.  Over the last few months some of my old energy has returned and l finally feel enthusiastic about learning new things and trying new things.

My ipad mini  has been the best gift l have ever received. It has been my constant companion over the last 11 months.  It has made things so easy to find, to share, to save.
I discovered Pinterest, which to be fair, l had resisted for quite some time and then l fell for it big time.
Many people cant get the attraction of it.
For me it was so simple.
Initially it was a way to look at things that cheered me when l was sick, things that made me smile, things that inspired me. Over time l began to create more and more folders.
in more recent times as l felt more energised about doing more, l decided to put into practice all these things l found amazing, interesting, handy tips, recipes, house cleaning ideas, arts and crafts ideas and so on, into a folder called Projects for me & Projects for me and my kids.
I decided to try something from this folder every week to begin with. Some for me, some for me and my kids.


Its great fun to be honest. I can try a recipe. I can let the kids look at the folder and pick a new art project. I can use the folder to organise my utility room, my laundry, my medicine cabinet.  So, l thought l would keep a record of all the things l have tried and all the new things l have done.

My dream

My nearest and dearest, and some of my closest work friends would all know what my dream is. I have invested much time in developing the concept over the last number of years.  The plan itself has also evolved and become a bigger project too. THats ok though because the only way l can bring the dream to fruition is if l win the lottery. The bigger the win the bigger the scale of the project.

I will go back though.
The dream is a Tea Room/Cafe.    The name is a close tie between Lavender Hill Cafe or Serendipity.  

When the idea was originally forming in my mind it was a little tea room somewhere with a reading room/little bookstore onto it.Over the course of my travels over the years l have been in all manner of cafes, coffee shops, tea rooms.  Lots of them blur into one but some of them stand out in my mind.  Drinking tea and reading books and listening to music are some of my favourite ways to spend time so bringing them all together is bliss.

Anyway, the blue print is a cafe that has a book section, a book case, like the ones you find in librarys where you leave one of your own books there and can take another.  I really like the idea of people feeling comfortable to come into for a coffee alone and to feel relaxed enough to be there alone and to read.

I have a very full Pinterest folder where over time l have saved recipe ideas, decor ideas, kitchen equipment ideas etc. I also want to have a outside courtyard or garden. I can imagine it on summer afternoons and evenings with lanterns glowing at night.

My dream place would have bright coloured walls, woodfloors.  It would have cosy corners and tables with mismatched chairs. I like having long tables with lots of communal seating, and more intimitate seating too. I love that look, rustic, funky, comfortable, relaxing.
My reason for the white walls is that l would love to give local artists a space to display their artwork and hopefully sell some too.



The evening schedule for THursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights  looks like this:

i.   an evening book club with coffee/tea and slice of cake
ii.  an acoustic music evening.  good tea and coffee in nice ambience with some singing and guitar sessions
iii.  a movie evening with admission at door to include light supper, tea/coffee and movie
iv.  A Salsa supper club with  nice supper then push all the tables back for some dancing

*it would also be available for small private functions, a quirky wedding or birthday party for example.*

I have the decor in my head. I want the outside to have a very colourful frontage with lots of greenery/plants too. I want it to attract people to come in. the kind of place that makes you want to cross the road and peek in the window.
Financially l am not even remotely in the zone to think about such an idea. The idea of having my own business was never on my agenda. However, over the years you start thinking about what you like doing, what makes you happy, what pleases you.
Well l love having visitors at my home, l love cooking for people, l love baking.
I love napkings, cutlery and l love tea sets. l love tea. I love the ritual of making tea. These simple things make me very happy. l feel very fulfilled if we have friends and their kids over at weekends for dinner and everybody has had enough to eat, and has enjoyed it.
I really enjoy clearing off the table and settling kids in playroom with a movie and a treat and coming back in and putting on kettle to make the teas and coffees.
To be a good host, to make others feel welcome and that they would leave your home saying they had a nice time.  That is all very satisfying.

Katy's World....its not easy being 12

Katy

Katy is 12 and a half years old. That half is very significant to Katy I’ll have you know!

Horror of horrors, her chest is starting to sprout…yes sprout. It seems to be the only word that describes it properly.  If this isn’t bad enough she has started having her..emm, her monthly visitor shall we say.

Jesus, the holy mortifying shame of it. As if she hadn’t enough to be getting on with. What’s worse, her mum said it will happen every month. Yes, it’s not an accident, it will happen every single month. ARRRRGGGHH. The injustice of it all.

Katy is tall. Not freaky tall mind you, just regular tall.

Katy is not fat, and not skinny. She is just about smack bang in the middle.  However, Katy thinks she is COLOSSAL. Like a tank trundling along without poise or grace.

Katy has brown hair and lots of it.  Her hair should have its own Facebook page as it is feisty, wilful and has a mind and personality all of its own.

Every night while Katy sleeps, her hair decides what trick to play on her, preferably a trick that causes her the biggest shock in the morning.  Her hair has quite a repertoire.  It can stand on end, it can stick to her head and refuse to yield. It can stick out in random places that will not be tamed. Her fringe can be spiked or curly.  The piece to resistance is La Birds Nest, the only cure for which is to cover it all with a headscarf or wash it.  Her hair usually reserves this treat for mornings when Katy is running particularly late.

Legs. God, legs eh. Katy hates her legs. She thinks they are an odd shape. She reckons it is a significant design fault with her body. She believes that they are slightly-  turning  to the side.  In addition to this they are clung together from top to the knee. Again, not a good look.  For this reason, in addition to her overall HUGENESS Katy refuses to wear a skirt, a dress, or shorts.  The bane of her life is her school uniform.

Katy feels she cannot share any of this with her mum as she would “go off on one.”  Katy wishes that just for once her mum ‘got her’ and kinda knew where she was coming from. Sadly, every time Katy even mentions her unfortunate legs her mum swiftly reminds her that is blessed beyond belief to have two perfectly fine looking and fully functioning legs. 

This always results in a series of snorts and eye rolling from Katy.  Her mum is a Social Worker and her area of speciality is Disability.  For this reason there are regular references to Special Needs.  These are aimed at reminding people just how lucky they are to have the gifts of sight, hearing, intellect and mobility, plus good health and loving family .  For the love of God, surely people are entitled to a bit of a moan without being made to feel guilty for every poor child in the world who has something wrong with them!!!

Outside of this irritation, it must be said that pretty much everything else Jo(Katy’s mum) says causes Katy to roll her eyes, snort, or mutter under her breath.  But hey, we’ll get to that in time.

Katy is the middle child in a family of three. In addition to being the middle child she is also the only girl. 

Katy feels this is quite unfortunate because :

i.        She is not girly

ii.      She is not pretty

iii.    She is not agreeable   

These are all the things Katy would desire to be were she not trapped in the body she felt was more of an oil tanker, than a yacht.

To add insult to injury, her eldest brother Dan, who is 18 months older, is surely next in line to be beatified. BLAH!!!

He is diligent, studious, quiet, low maintenance for her parents, he is focused, polite and an all  round good egg.

Katy, on the other hand, feels more like the rotten egg, or even worse, like she was in the wrong nest.

Then there is her younger brother Joe. Well, what can she say about Joe.  You can’t help but love him, everybody does. 

To be fair, it has to be said that Katy is popular with relatives, friends, neighbours and school mates.  She does have a wide circle of friends and finds that she can relate to lots of different types of people.  In terms of school though, Katy does feel a bit at sea academically. She is bright for sure, her teachers have always always  said so. She is a bit giddy and chatty. She is not bold however. 

Sometimes she admits to playing the clown in class to hide her intellectual insecurities.  Maths, where to start. Over the years they have become a huge source of stress for her.  She has never really figured out why.                 IT is possibly though, in some part as a result of one of her primary school teachers who seemed to take great joy in telling the class just how stupid Katy’s answers were on a daily basis. She also had a penchant for telling Katy she thought she was a complete donkey, and it wasn’t unheard for her to give her a rap on the knuckles or a light dig in the temples with her bejewelled hand. 

This ongoing humiliation, over a period of two years, nudged Katy slowly into the realm of class jester.  This was the only way she could figure out how to survive the put downs.  This modus operandi remained even when Katy made the transition from primary to secondary school.  While she liked the fresh start, it was with an Achilles Heel to have absolutely no confidence to do Maths.

Katy settled into Secondary School well, after the initial shock had worn off and the natural pecking order had emerged.  Again, Katy felt surprised when she was popular and friends with lots of different types of girls:  the sporty crew, the brainboxes, the messers. In fact, for the first month at Secondary School Katy constantly felt she would be ‘found out’ and  asked to leave the top class she had been placed in.  She also feared that people would realise she was tremendously ordinary and she would end up a loner.  However, as time went by Katy finally began to relax and find her way.

In the world outside of secondary school Katy and her social circle began to drift towards the realm of BOYS, simultaneously with caution and reckless abandon.  Its quite a revelation to suddenly realise tht boys are no longer the loud, smelly, silly creatures they once were.

Katy suddenly started seeing boys, including her brother’s  formerly stinky friends(spots and all) in a whole new way.  Her world was turned upside down.

Judging by the boys in her neighbourhood they had very suddenly, and simultaneously, started seeing girls in a whole new way too.  The air must have been crackling with the level of hormonal activity that seemed to have suddenly erupted in the community.

This time last year Katy and her friends had been 11 years old. Proud to be sixth class pupils at last.  Scroll forward to a year later. My god, what a rollercoaster it has been. What with sprouting boobs, body hair erupting in bizarre and most unwanted places, menstrual cycle3, spots appearing, B.O. , bad hair days, smelly feet. Jez, the list was endless. It was like constantly being on the cusp of something, with the anticipation and the ups and downs of emotions, without every knowing what the ‘Something’ actually was.

Everytime Katy felt she got a handle on the situation it turns arse over head and a new mishap or complication enters the frey, gives her a slap in the forehead and says OI,  deal with that!!

For Katy, the biggest misfortune is a newly developing habit/mishap which manifests itself in the form of furious blushing.  Jesus, it’s not even funny.  How bad can blushing be l hear you say…..BLOODY BAD is the answer. Very bloody bad. It’s so flipping random, and as far as Katy can ascertain, it often has little to do with subject matter.

For example, last week Katy and her family went to her brother, Dan’s football game.  Boys under fourteen league. There was nothing unusual in that.  The Dillons are a sporty family and all the family are involved in a range of sports. They all support each other and go to each other’s events.

Here’s the head-wreck moment though, the team captain, James, scored and all the crowd cheered. In the excitement as the supporters turned to each other to say what a cracking player James is, Katy instantly blushed from the tips of her toes to the roots of her hair.  Her scalp and the back of her neck tingled.

Katy was completely overwhelmed by the suddenness of the reaction, and even more alarmed by the ferocity of the reaction.  She was so horrified she genuinely believed the heat coming from her face could be felt all over the park.  Sweet Jesus, make it stop!!!  She fought valiantly to calm it down but it did not yield and only diminished when she had surrendered to it.

This completely frightened Katy. What was going on, and why did it happen, and why did it happen to her, had people noticed, could others sense it???? Her poor head was melting with the barrage of questions assaulting her  brain in quick succession.

However, the match continued all around her, and once she steadied herself, Katy became caught up in the match excitement again.  Before she knew it, the game was over, her brother’s team were victorious and had qualified for the league final.  There were great scenes of jubilation as  proud parents and families ran onto the field to congratulate their boys. Katy and her family joined the rest of the spectators as they formed a tunnel leading from the field to the dressing rooms. They cheered the teams off the field. Katy was chuffed to bits for her brother, she had to admit he was really really good and she was proud. She loved when her family went to the games together.

 When Katy looked again she saw her brother, somewhat bashful, walking towards them with his head down but peeking out from under his newly grown fringe, in the direction of his family.

 Finally, the biggest cheer of the day went to the Captain, James, who was quite proud, but equally mortified by all the attention.  He happened to nod in Katy’s direction by way of saying hello. As they clapped James off the field and gave him a cheer Katy was horrified to feel the renegade blush return, creeping up her neck and storming its way across her face again. 

Katy was in a total panic, and she glanced quickly at her mum, who did seem flushed too. It must be the excitement and the windy weather …yes, surely that must be it!!

As James was the last player to pass through, her dad turned and said, Right Lads, let’s make a run for the car and try to get ahead of the match traffic. Last one backs a rotten egg, an old family game, but this time, Katy felt as if she was functioning on the wrong speed, or an alternative wavelength.  Have you ever felt that?  It’s as if your brain, your mouth and your body are all on separate schedules and it’s hard to coordinate them.

Katy was the last back to the car and sat in the backseat beside her younger brother.  He was so so proud of his big brother, and so happy for the club that he launched into a chorus of “here we go, here we go, here we go………..here we go, here we go, here we gooooooooo”. 

In truth Katy would have loved to have joined in, she would always join in, but she was feeling totally out of sync.

Katy’s family usually went back to their house after the game and had a cuppa and something to eat and a good natter about the game. They would still be there  chatting when Dan got home. The chat could go on all evening. Endless pots of tea consumed around the kitchen table.

Katy’s dad was in jubilant mood so he suggested they go back to the sports club and he would treat them all to a fizzy drink and a bag of crisps.  Katy’s mind was going on a slower speed than everybody else, she would much rather go home, but she looked at her dads face, so full of happiness.  Katy thanked her dad and said that would be fantastic way to round off a great day. As she said Katy felt happier and less strange than she had done earlier.

Back at the bar in the club all the families were there chatting, tea and sandwiches were provided, crisps were flying and fizzy drinks galore. What a lovely day and a lovely way to end the weekend on such a happy note.  When the club bus arrived into the carpark and the boys arrived into the clubhouse all the families cheered.

Katy lifted her head to see if she could spot her brother Dan, and her cousin Euan. They must be still on the bus. She looked in each of the windows of the bus to look for them. As her eyes neared the back of the bus they met the eyes of James looking out. He looked less embarrassed now and far more relaxed and happy. He nodded hello again at Katy. She nodded back and more slowly than earlier she felt the heat begin to make its way to her cheeks, thankfully, just not as badly as before.

It was as if time stood still for a second. Katy could actually hear her own breathing. She could feel her heart beating.  She was suddenly aware that her mouth felt dry. mind you,  the out of sync feeling from earlier had left her.

Everything fast forwarded and she was catapulted right back into the moment. Everything was the same, except for one thing. In an instant, she could pinpoint why she blushed , when she blushed. It was crystal clear just now. The common denominator and root of the problem….JAMES. James o Leary. What in god’s name was going on. She had known him for two years now. Not very well obviously, but to see, and to say hello.

Crap, this was all happening today, very suddenly and very overwhelming and bloody confusing.

Katy’s dad broke through her reverie and said “right lads, let’s get off home and get some dinner”.

The family hopped in the car and made the short car trip to their home.  When they got inside the door at home Jo said dinner would be on the table in ten.  She glanced up the stairs at Katy who was quietly making her way to her bedroom.   Jo suddenly realised that Katy had been very quiet for a while and had not been her bubbly self.  Katy pet, are you ok?  Now that l think of it, you look at bit flushed.

              Katy’s dad Danny chimed in and said, She’s grand, aren’t ya pet, just keen to get back to your books…ha ha, isn’t that right Katy.

WELL. That snapped Katy out of it pretty quickly and  she stomped up the rest of the stairs  and into her room, banging the door for effect.

“Jesus Dan, would you leave her alone. She is bad enough without you winding her up.”

Danny played at looking remorseful, then he lurched towards his wife and grabbed her in a bear hug and gave her a big kiss on the lips.  She threw her head back and gave a hearty laugh as only she could.

Katy’s younger brother Joe mad a big show of being disgusted with them and slipped away to watch Match of The Day. Secretly he loved when his folks were affectionate. His best pal at school, Eric would happily swop places with him, his folks were getting a divorce. A DIVORCE…can you believe it. His dad won’t live with them anymore. What a nightmare. Joe loved his family and got on great with them all, he couldn’t imagine them not living under the same roof.

Katy sat on her bed and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked the same as usual, which in her mind was like a rhino with frizzy hair, and yet, she felt completely different.  She closed her eyes for a moment to steady herself, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself.

An image popped into her head like a thunder bolt. It caught her off guard. She couldn’t make it out for a second and then she could see it as clear as day.  It was James, she could see him as clearly as if he was in front of her. Tall, skinny, sallow skin, inky black hair and olive coloured eyes, and a lovely smile.  James O’ Leary, or Scout as he was known to all in the club. People called him Scout without hesitation, as if it were his actual name.  I had heard that nobody called him Scout while his mum was in earshot though as she had a habit of telling them, the last time she looked at his birthcert she was certain there was no mention of Scout on it!!!

As she thought of him, Katy realised she was blushing again. Without realising it her hand was hovering over her tummy. Katy realised she had butterflies in her tummy and her heart was beating irregularly.

Katy dragged herself back to reality.  She could hear her mum’s footsteps on the stairs, followed by a gentle knock on her bedroom door.  Katy, are you ok pet?

I’m fine mum, honestly. I think l was just a bit carsick. I will have a bit to eat and then have an early night.

Katy did go to bed early and slept all through the night but she did dream about Scout all night. She woke up flushed and flustered.  Jesus, it was like the time she had a virus.  Her mum would have her at the doctor’s office at this rate.  Katy had a fast shower, a decent breakfast and headed off to school. Thankfully, the blushing, the butterflies, the palpitations and the daydreams  stayed away and she kept busy and worked hard at school for the day.

As the Autumn turned to Winter, the local sport season  came to an end. It would recommence after Christmas, late January maybe.

It’s safe to say Scout did not enter Katys mind again. There were so many more pressing matters taking up her headspace.

Joes Communion was on the horizon.

An upcoming shopping trip with her mum, which was to include a Bra fitting of all things(Sweet Divine Jesus)

All the developments of the last year had been mortifying for Katy- sanitary towels, bras, growth spurts, hormones, personal hygiene, hair growth. Christ above, was this the start, or the end of it.