l reckon the content of this could change depending on the day its written.
l can think of examples such as::
* in my teens saying no to things that l didn't want to do. standing up and resisting peer pressure. That's brave isn't it.
* heading abroad as an au pair alone when l was 19 because l didn't want to be unemployed in Ireland and l wanted to travel.
* taking a chance at 23 and going to college part time by night in spite of a lack of confidence in my academic ability and moving onto to full time degree programme by day
*taking on a job I really wanted but that was physically and emotionally challenging, and learning so so much from it.
* taking off to Austrailia with a group of people, most of whom l hadn't met prior to the airport, and heading off for 13 months on a huge adventure round the world.
* taking the plunge into a relationship with somebody l knew very well and working through the awkwardness and teething problems and seeing the potential for a lifelong partnership.
*undertaking another degree programme while working full time and building a relationship and buying a house...juggling so much, but looking ahead ....
* starting a family, bringing life into the world.
*standing up to bullying and harassment over a long term period in a workplace and constantly trying to address it in a positive way
These all seem like brave and bold choices in some respects
However, l feel the real bravery is in the more private battles such as:
* knowing when to walk away from something that is damaging you
*knowing when my body, mind and soul had had more than enough
* allowing myself the chance to step out and acknowledge poor health
* allowing myself time to be sick, to take doctor's advice
* allowing things to slide, such as personal appearance, how tidy the house is, how grey my roots are...
*learning to just be, to stop , to breathe, to pause, to reflect, to observe, to learn
Then after this the bravery comes from:
* taking the time to build yourself back up again
* to decide how to proceed from here
* learning lessons from before and choosing differently because of this
*avoiding situations that are not positive
* avoid people who are negative for you
* Learning to read how our bodies communicate with us
* being able to communicate to others how you are feeling
I think that often this is where the real bravery shines through
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
drift away and be at rest
its a beautiful thing they have done for you
they have taken your pain and given you peace,
a soft breeze blows on your face ,
the doors to the balcony open,
the soft sound of the water feature is rhythmic and relaxing
your waking moments are far and few
your sleep has taken over you,
watching you sleep
watching your peace
watching you slip away from this world into the other
its bittersweet
knowing your pain is going from you,
knowing the pain your absence will create a void that can never be filled
but relieved your pain is coming to an end
they have taken your pain and given you peace,
a soft breeze blows on your face ,
the doors to the balcony open,
the soft sound of the water feature is rhythmic and relaxing
your waking moments are far and few
your sleep has taken over you,
watching you sleep
watching your peace
watching you slip away from this world into the other
its bittersweet
knowing your pain is going from you,
knowing the pain your absence will create a void that can never be filled
but relieved your pain is coming to an end
Sunday, June 2, 2013
My Life in Books
*-Well l cant remember the earliest books but l know my mum was great for reading to us, and with us, and both my parents would take us to the library on a Saturday morning and we loved picking out our books.
The books that stay with my from when l was very young are Enid Blyton. I adored the Faraway Tree Books and was delighted when l bought them for my daughter that she loved them too. I read them to her for the first few years and now she reads them herself. Full circle.
I loved all of the Enid Blyton books, the Famous Five, Mallory Towers.
The next stage after that I loved the Nancy Drew Mysteries and Judy Bloom. Then you are into the murky pre-teen world for a few years but quickly l moved on. My mum gave me a beautiful copy of Little Women, she had it since she was young and l absolutely loved it. I read it over and over. It was to become a lifelong companion.
In my teens l loved the David Morrell books. He wrote Rambo but don't judge him for this. He also wrote a whole series of thrillers about Opus Dei, priest assassins such as The League of Night and Fog. I was enthralled by these. They were a real departure for me and l was hooked on them.
As l moved through my teens l relied on my parents for books as we wouldn't have had the money to buy books and this was before Amazon and book Depository. My aunt would pass her books to my mum, my
mum would swop books with her, and it went on and on and we all shared them around. I also shared books with my boyfriend, our circle of friends.
I loved having a book that kept me up late and night and made me late for my breakfast in the morning because l just had to keep reading.
When l was doing English for my Leaving Cert our teacher made sure we read absolutely everything on the curriculum. It was a blessing and a curse in that you were reading out of necessity, but then you were reading things you may never have come across.
l did enjoy Othello, The Portrait of a Lady, Juno & THe Paycock, The Glass Menagerie amongst others.
I fell in love with Maeve Binchy and her books as l moved on. My mum always had her books, and l found them wonderful, warm, moving and ultimately a source of comfort. over the years l have gone back to read some of her books over and over again. I found them to be just as beautiful and it was a bit like slipping on a comfort blanket. Of special significance for me were Circle of Friends and Firefly Summer. I never wanted them to end.
A standout book for me in early on is CRY Freedom. The story of Steve Biko killed in prison in South Africa at the height of the Apartheid movement. It affected me hugely. When Nelson Mandela walked free from Robin Island I remember watching the news in awe and thinking my god l will never forget this moment and for years and years to come people will talk about that day. I have witnessed history in the making.
I spent many many years going to college. Eight years in all. I was an adult student/mature student when l went to college(23!!) so l was like a sponge absorbing every bit of information l could, but l always tried to keep reading non college material when l had the chance. l read so many different types of books.
I love Marian Keyes. And again, like with Maeve Binchy her books were ones l really didn't want them to end.
I must admit l love reading travel journals and encyclopaedias. I also really liked reading biographys, l particulary enjoyed Elvis, Muhammed Ali, James Dean and many others.
A book l did not read at school but l also read around this time was To Kill A Mocking Bird. The book moved me. I read it a few times. I bought it on video. I loved watching it on screen also. The scene at the end where Jem is rescued and Scout comes in to see him and realises the man in the room who rescued him is none other than her neighbour "Hey Boo". This makes me cry to this day, whether l read it or watch it. I adore this book.
When l started a relationship with the man who is now my husband, he had a huge book collection . Some of it l considered far far too high brow for me, but l began reading some of his favourites and they opened up a whole new world for me too.
Travels with Charlie
Homage to Catalonia
A Moveable Feast
For sheer pleasure and joy l discovered the series of Books by Alexander McCall Smith..The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. I must say that l fell under the spell of Precious Ramotswe and l eagerly awaited each and every book. I passed them all on to others to read and they never came back, but when l have a bit of money to splurge on books l will buy that entire set and read each one again.
In more more recent times I have loved and been moved by books such as The Help, The Kite Runner, A Suitable Boy, The Mudhunter, The Poison Wood Bible, A Thousand Splendid Suns, On the Corner of Bitter and Sweet and on and on an on.
I~ really really enjoyed Caitlin Moran's book- How to be a Woman. I brought it to France with me on holidays last year and flew throught it. JI also read The Slap which is an Austrailian book on somebody hitting somebody else's child at a bbq and the reaction to what happened and all the different points of view. It was extremely interesting.
My latest reading pleasure was the Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. l have read about ten of these and found them addictive.
I am also reading The Mystery of Mercy Close by Marian Keyes(again) and l have about six books under my bed which will be read in sequence of which book was given to me first. Although my husband has given me a book by Ken Follett- The Pillars of The Earth, which he swears l will love so maybe that gets first shot.
I could go on all day long. The list is just too extensive to even write it.
We have spent so much money on books over the years it would be hard to calculate. We love browsing in bookstores, buying books online, buying books in charity shops, buying each books as gifts. We share them with friends and family. we have donated books.
But the greatest gift has been passing our love of books onto our children.
my daughter learned to read this year. It has transformed her life. Watching her read is like watching myself grown up. She cannot get enough of it. She loves the books l buy for her. She loves going to the library. She devours a new book as soon as l get one for her. She reads her favourites over and over. She loves cook books, atlases, dictionaries. It is a joy to behold.
I told her that when she gets older she can have my hardback editions of some of my favourite books which l have received as presents. l keep them in my bedside locker. Pride and Prejudice, Little Women and To Kill a Mocking Bird.
I have a feeling she will love them as dearly as l do.
My son who is almost five will start "big school" this year and he cannot wait until he can read for himself. His favourite book is "Charlie Cooks Favourite Book. He cannot read but knows the entire book off by heart and reads it aloud to you and has all the pages right, so another might actually believe he was reading it.
~I think the greatest thing about my love of reading, and my husbands, is passing on the gift of reading to kids. I always tell the kids you will never be lonely or bored when you have a good book. It will keep you company for the rest of your life.
The books that stay with my from when l was very young are Enid Blyton. I adored the Faraway Tree Books and was delighted when l bought them for my daughter that she loved them too. I read them to her for the first few years and now she reads them herself. Full circle.
I loved all of the Enid Blyton books, the Famous Five, Mallory Towers.
The next stage after that I loved the Nancy Drew Mysteries and Judy Bloom. Then you are into the murky pre-teen world for a few years but quickly l moved on. My mum gave me a beautiful copy of Little Women, she had it since she was young and l absolutely loved it. I read it over and over. It was to become a lifelong companion.
In my teens l loved the David Morrell books. He wrote Rambo but don't judge him for this. He also wrote a whole series of thrillers about Opus Dei, priest assassins such as The League of Night and Fog. I was enthralled by these. They were a real departure for me and l was hooked on them.
As l moved through my teens l relied on my parents for books as we wouldn't have had the money to buy books and this was before Amazon and book Depository. My aunt would pass her books to my mum, my
mum would swop books with her, and it went on and on and we all shared them around. I also shared books with my boyfriend, our circle of friends.
I loved having a book that kept me up late and night and made me late for my breakfast in the morning because l just had to keep reading.
When l was doing English for my Leaving Cert our teacher made sure we read absolutely everything on the curriculum. It was a blessing and a curse in that you were reading out of necessity, but then you were reading things you may never have come across.
l did enjoy Othello, The Portrait of a Lady, Juno & THe Paycock, The Glass Menagerie amongst others.
I fell in love with Maeve Binchy and her books as l moved on. My mum always had her books, and l found them wonderful, warm, moving and ultimately a source of comfort. over the years l have gone back to read some of her books over and over again. I found them to be just as beautiful and it was a bit like slipping on a comfort blanket. Of special significance for me were Circle of Friends and Firefly Summer. I never wanted them to end.
A standout book for me in early on is CRY Freedom. The story of Steve Biko killed in prison in South Africa at the height of the Apartheid movement. It affected me hugely. When Nelson Mandela walked free from Robin Island I remember watching the news in awe and thinking my god l will never forget this moment and for years and years to come people will talk about that day. I have witnessed history in the making.
I spent many many years going to college. Eight years in all. I was an adult student/mature student when l went to college(23!!) so l was like a sponge absorbing every bit of information l could, but l always tried to keep reading non college material when l had the chance. l read so many different types of books.
I love Marian Keyes. And again, like with Maeve Binchy her books were ones l really didn't want them to end.
I must admit l love reading travel journals and encyclopaedias. I also really liked reading biographys, l particulary enjoyed Elvis, Muhammed Ali, James Dean and many others.
A book l did not read at school but l also read around this time was To Kill A Mocking Bird. The book moved me. I read it a few times. I bought it on video. I loved watching it on screen also. The scene at the end where Jem is rescued and Scout comes in to see him and realises the man in the room who rescued him is none other than her neighbour "Hey Boo". This makes me cry to this day, whether l read it or watch it. I adore this book.
When l started a relationship with the man who is now my husband, he had a huge book collection . Some of it l considered far far too high brow for me, but l began reading some of his favourites and they opened up a whole new world for me too.
Travels with Charlie
Homage to Catalonia
A Moveable Feast
For sheer pleasure and joy l discovered the series of Books by Alexander McCall Smith..The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. I must say that l fell under the spell of Precious Ramotswe and l eagerly awaited each and every book. I passed them all on to others to read and they never came back, but when l have a bit of money to splurge on books l will buy that entire set and read each one again.
In more more recent times I have loved and been moved by books such as The Help, The Kite Runner, A Suitable Boy, The Mudhunter, The Poison Wood Bible, A Thousand Splendid Suns, On the Corner of Bitter and Sweet and on and on an on.
I~ really really enjoyed Caitlin Moran's book- How to be a Woman. I brought it to France with me on holidays last year and flew throught it. JI also read The Slap which is an Austrailian book on somebody hitting somebody else's child at a bbq and the reaction to what happened and all the different points of view. It was extremely interesting.
My latest reading pleasure was the Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. l have read about ten of these and found them addictive.
I am also reading The Mystery of Mercy Close by Marian Keyes(again) and l have about six books under my bed which will be read in sequence of which book was given to me first. Although my husband has given me a book by Ken Follett- The Pillars of The Earth, which he swears l will love so maybe that gets first shot.
I could go on all day long. The list is just too extensive to even write it.
We have spent so much money on books over the years it would be hard to calculate. We love browsing in bookstores, buying books online, buying books in charity shops, buying each books as gifts. We share them with friends and family. we have donated books.
But the greatest gift has been passing our love of books onto our children.
my daughter learned to read this year. It has transformed her life. Watching her read is like watching myself grown up. She cannot get enough of it. She loves the books l buy for her. She loves going to the library. She devours a new book as soon as l get one for her. She reads her favourites over and over. She loves cook books, atlases, dictionaries. It is a joy to behold.
I told her that when she gets older she can have my hardback editions of some of my favourite books which l have received as presents. l keep them in my bedside locker. Pride and Prejudice, Little Women and To Kill a Mocking Bird.
I have a feeling she will love them as dearly as l do.
My son who is almost five will start "big school" this year and he cannot wait until he can read for himself. His favourite book is "Charlie Cooks Favourite Book. He cannot read but knows the entire book off by heart and reads it aloud to you and has all the pages right, so another might actually believe he was reading it.
~I think the greatest thing about my love of reading, and my husbands, is passing on the gift of reading to kids. I always tell the kids you will never be lonely or bored when you have a good book. It will keep you company for the rest of your life.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
The big C
The big C...........................
just less than three months ago a much beloved uncle was feeling off.
He was confused, agitated and out of sorts.
Some would say he was always cranky :) but he wasn't. He just spoke his mind and was a very particular type of a person.
He had tests done and was admitted to hospital where they very quickly discovered he had cancer and lots of it! this included several brain tumours, and tumours in his lungs.
To watch this tall, strong, handsome, intelligent man dissolve so quickly has been astonishing and devastating.
As l write this he is spending his second night in a hospice and possibly has very few nights left in him.
I visited today and said my goodbyes quietly and quickly.
Just looking at the deterioration in him in the few days since l saw him last was a revelation of the sheer force that is Cancer.
I will not go up again. He sleeps mostly now, this is a time for his nearest.
I am left with a lifetime of memories that make up what my Uncle means to me and to all of our family.
I love you dear man. Goodnight x
just less than three months ago a much beloved uncle was feeling off.
He was confused, agitated and out of sorts.
Some would say he was always cranky :) but he wasn't. He just spoke his mind and was a very particular type of a person.
He had tests done and was admitted to hospital where they very quickly discovered he had cancer and lots of it! this included several brain tumours, and tumours in his lungs.
To watch this tall, strong, handsome, intelligent man dissolve so quickly has been astonishing and devastating.
As l write this he is spending his second night in a hospice and possibly has very few nights left in him.
I visited today and said my goodbyes quietly and quickly.
Just looking at the deterioration in him in the few days since l saw him last was a revelation of the sheer force that is Cancer.
I will not go up again. He sleeps mostly now, this is a time for his nearest.
I am left with a lifetime of memories that make up what my Uncle means to me and to all of our family.
I love you dear man. Goodnight x
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