youth..is it wasted on the youth

Youth is wasted on the youth...An essay title from your teens
You always thought you answered it well..well enough
Today, however, it has flashed across your mind

My God

Did l waste my youth?? What a waste, l will never get it to do over

So much time caught up in nonesense, nothingness
So many wasted opportunities


But Wait.
This is my journey. My adventure. And it has been exactly that. Full of adventure and mistakes and lots more. Full of friends and love and laughter and memories made.
 It led me here.
It led me to this place.
There can be no regrets

Go Gently Forward

JUST LET GO

Do not replay the conversations now
They are passed....

Words that wounded
Words that scarred
Words that tore at your heart and soul
Words that turned your world upside down
Words that grieved you



They are gone now, lost in time

The wounds heal

You have no need to re-open them

Close the door on them.

Go Gently Forward with love

I hope

not pretty
not perfect
not elegant
not petite

Hopelessly flawed

BUT

kind and thoughtful I HOPE
likeable I HOPE
loyal I HOPE
reliable I HOPE
generous I HOPE


At least i have HOPE

hoPE

A Mother's Guilt

Today I will Try
I will try
Not to criticise
not to be negative

To let the small stuff go
To let them be
To let them see
To let them become themselves
To see the beauty of themselves inside and out

I will try
To let them be children
let them be who they want to be
Let them explore and experiment
Let them feel joy
Let them feel air
Let them feel free

The criticism is the polar opposite of what is in my heart
What is in my heart?

To Cherish Them

I Cherish Them

Them xx

Healing ME

Trust your instincts
Listen to Yourself
Give Yourself time and space
Afford Yourself the kindness and commpassion you extend to others

Be Charitable in your self-reflection
You are the best person you can be in this moment

Nothing is set in stone
A fresh start awaits us every single day

Live
Learn
Evolve
and Keep Gently Moving Forward

my world

My world is small and safe
and yet l would happily traverse the globe

I'd go to far flung places with my family
they are my safety net
my happy place

Yet somedays it has all l have in me
to walk up the road
to walk and get the air l crave

i think about it
i envisage it
l can feel the fresh air
and yet- I remain

Then the moment passes
Later on l reflect
i should have gone (I say)

Its not just making a pot of soup

My first memories of making soup go right back  into my early teens. So you could say l have been making soup for over 25 years now.  Making soup however is not just making soup.  As I look back over those years now ,each different stage , the making of soup has had a special significance.

In my mid teens soup making was ;Sunday nights at my best friend's house, just a few doors down the street.  She was a few years older than me and we went to different secondary schools. We saw each other during the week but not a whole lot.  I got home from school at around 5pm every day and then had dinner with my family and then started on homework.
Sunday night always felt a bit like the end of the world after the fun of the weekend spent with all of our friends, but Sunday night became about making soup.   I learned the soup making technique from my friend. We would stand shoulder to shoulder in her kitchen as l watched, and eventually helped her, as she meticulously diced onions,carrots, celery and potato. These were added to the pot with some butter and herbs.  We would be engrossed in our conversation which took us back over the activities of the weekend but the next time l would look l'd realise stock had been added and brought to the boil and then when it was set to simmer..well the kettle went on then and it was time to sit at the table and have a good natter.
When the soup was ready we would both have a small bowl, maybe with a slice of bread and butter.  Then the soup was put in containers in the fridge, and some in the freezer and that was her lunch for the week organised.

Scroll forward ten years and l am a professional working in residential care and community based family support.  The focus is on teaching life skills to young people, or to mums in need of support with feeding their families.  The real benefit though is the shared experience, the non threatening format of standing elbow to elbow with a young person/adult at a worktop. The fact that no eye contact is needed, and that there is no pressure to talk, other than the task of making the soup. The process is therapeutic,is calming. There is a shared sense of purpose and it is a great leveller.   I must say that some of the most amazing experiences of connecting with others and having meaningful interaction with them has been done chopping vegetables and stirring soup.  The sense of pride when a young person presents the finished soup to their peers is so pure and wonderful. It says here is your healthy and nutritious lunch, it is good for you in every way, it is made with love.

Years later, l am living in Australia.  Living on a budget.  Living with some who would eat instant noodles every night and others who would eat nothing but cereal. Others loved fast food.  The making of the soup again. Imagine a hostel kitchen. lots of activity, lots of chat, everybody gathered around. The soup is made, the smell begins to form and drift slowly across the large kitchen, noses twitch, eyes dart about. whats the smell they say. Tis soup l say, its for my lunch for the week...would you like to try some l say...happy chatting, happy campers, spoons clinking, scraping the last remnants of soup from the side of bowls and mugs.  Its mighty good soup eh?  It is indeed.  Soup gone, lunch for the week will be fruit and crackers. How bad eh?  Happy and well fed.  A few stragglers wandering in, admiring the smell, sorry to have missed the soup.  I'll make it again next week when l get paid.


Years on and l have finished five years of university, have found love, bought a home, gained a mortgage and started the job l have always wanted, Sunday night soup making resumes.  I make the soup and put it in take away cartons.  A good pot of soup can give me a lunch for two weeks.  My husband refuses to eat soup unless its from a packet and only one particular brand.  Really, i kid you not.  He is not a good vegetable eater either, so l incorporate the soup mix into casseroles, curries, stews and stir fries.  Feeling like l have deceived him a little bit, but feeling like l also did him a favour by helping with his five a day..I'm not good with guilt though so l confess and am relieved that he thinks its a great idea.

Its now 2014.  The soup is still going strong.  The recipe changes over the years. No butter obviously, sometimes its extra virgin olive oil, sometimes it starts off with water in the pot with herbs.  Sometimes its less potato and butternut sqush, othertimes its whatever is in the fridge.   Now, My kids enjoy making the soup with me and watching as i portion it out into individual cartons. Some is put in freezer. Some goes in the fridge.  Like mother like daughter, my wee woman loves a bowl of the soup.  Like father like son, my wee boy makes dramatic faces when l ask him to taste it.  So I continue to use it in curries and sauces, in stir fries and stews.  I havent told him yet as l want him to eat it.

-

Live..Give..Be 

Some days when we rise our heads above our own corner of the world we take a peek and reel backwards from what we see
So much bitterness and Despair and Cruelty
 Injustice is all around us, not just in the places we imagine
Its hidden in every corner and sometimes where we least expect it

So much deprivation and yet so much wealth and abundance
So much abundance, the vulgarity of it knows no bounds

And yet, True Heroes walk among us
Their Kindness is Limitless
They Gift the World themselves

Dignity, Integrity, Compassion, Empathy, Humanity, Reality

Their energy is effervescent
Their passion burns brightly
being exposed to them even for a short time makes us feel inadequate- like holding mirror to your heart and soul and seeing nothing of meaning there

To live is give
give yourself
Be present
Be real
 Be

Its that time again...DETOX

I did this at the start of the year for about five weeks and it is absolutely time to do it again.

Tomorrow is the kick off and basically it means l will  :

1.Drink very little tea.
2. Drink lots of hot water and peppermint and green tea
3. Not eat bread, pasta or rice or noodles and cut down on cheese
4.make a huge pot of my healthy soup and have it for lunch and dinner
5. Eat lots of salad and stir fries
6. Go to sleep a little early every night.
7. Go for a walk every day
8. Resist cake,biscuits, sweets,crips, chocolate,icecream,
9; Drink the kidney cleansing parsley tea l make with fresh parsley
10. Meditate or have quiet time once a day for deep breathing/relaxation.

I have to say, once l am in the zone I feel great.  These are things l should be doing everyday, but to be honest some part of it always slips over time.  However I do my absolute best to stick to it, in fact the routine and the structure of it agrees with me.