Katy's World....its not easy being 12

Katy

Katy is 12 and a half years old. That half is very significant to Katy I’ll have you know!

Horror of horrors, her chest is starting to sprout…yes sprout. It seems to be the only word that describes it properly.  If this isn’t bad enough she has started having her..emm, her monthly visitor shall we say.

Jesus, the holy mortifying shame of it. As if she hadn’t enough to be getting on with. What’s worse, her mum said it will happen every month. Yes, it’s not an accident, it will happen every single month. ARRRRGGGHH. The injustice of it all.

Katy is tall. Not freaky tall mind you, just regular tall.

Katy is not fat, and not skinny. She is just about smack bang in the middle.  However, Katy thinks she is COLOSSAL. Like a tank trundling along without poise or grace.

Katy has brown hair and lots of it.  Her hair should have its own Facebook page as it is feisty, wilful and has a mind and personality all of its own.

Every night while Katy sleeps, her hair decides what trick to play on her, preferably a trick that causes her the biggest shock in the morning.  Her hair has quite a repertoire.  It can stand on end, it can stick to her head and refuse to yield. It can stick out in random places that will not be tamed. Her fringe can be spiked or curly.  The piece to resistance is La Birds Nest, the only cure for which is to cover it all with a headscarf or wash it.  Her hair usually reserves this treat for mornings when Katy is running particularly late.

Legs. God, legs eh. Katy hates her legs. She thinks they are an odd shape. She reckons it is a significant design fault with her body. She believes that they are slightly-  turning  to the side.  In addition to this they are clung together from top to the knee. Again, not a good look.  For this reason, in addition to her overall HUGENESS Katy refuses to wear a skirt, a dress, or shorts.  The bane of her life is her school uniform.

Katy feels she cannot share any of this with her mum as she would “go off on one.”  Katy wishes that just for once her mum ‘got her’ and kinda knew where she was coming from. Sadly, every time Katy even mentions her unfortunate legs her mum swiftly reminds her that is blessed beyond belief to have two perfectly fine looking and fully functioning legs. 

This always results in a series of snorts and eye rolling from Katy.  Her mum is a Social Worker and her area of speciality is Disability.  For this reason there are regular references to Special Needs.  These are aimed at reminding people just how lucky they are to have the gifts of sight, hearing, intellect and mobility, plus good health and loving family .  For the love of God, surely people are entitled to a bit of a moan without being made to feel guilty for every poor child in the world who has something wrong with them!!!

Outside of this irritation, it must be said that pretty much everything else Jo(Katy’s mum) says causes Katy to roll her eyes, snort, or mutter under her breath.  But hey, we’ll get to that in time.

Katy is the middle child in a family of three. In addition to being the middle child she is also the only girl. 

Katy feels this is quite unfortunate because :

i.        She is not girly

ii.      She is not pretty

iii.    She is not agreeable   

These are all the things Katy would desire to be were she not trapped in the body she felt was more of an oil tanker, than a yacht.

To add insult to injury, her eldest brother Dan, who is 18 months older, is surely next in line to be beatified. BLAH!!!

He is diligent, studious, quiet, low maintenance for her parents, he is focused, polite and an all  round good egg.

Katy, on the other hand, feels more like the rotten egg, or even worse, like she was in the wrong nest.

Then there is her younger brother Joe. Well, what can she say about Joe.  You can’t help but love him, everybody does. 

To be fair, it has to be said that Katy is popular with relatives, friends, neighbours and school mates.  She does have a wide circle of friends and finds that she can relate to lots of different types of people.  In terms of school though, Katy does feel a bit at sea academically. She is bright for sure, her teachers have always always  said so. She is a bit giddy and chatty. She is not bold however. 

Sometimes she admits to playing the clown in class to hide her intellectual insecurities.  Maths, where to start. Over the years they have become a huge source of stress for her.  She has never really figured out why.                 IT is possibly though, in some part as a result of one of her primary school teachers who seemed to take great joy in telling the class just how stupid Katy’s answers were on a daily basis. She also had a penchant for telling Katy she thought she was a complete donkey, and it wasn’t unheard for her to give her a rap on the knuckles or a light dig in the temples with her bejewelled hand. 

This ongoing humiliation, over a period of two years, nudged Katy slowly into the realm of class jester.  This was the only way she could figure out how to survive the put downs.  This modus operandi remained even when Katy made the transition from primary to secondary school.  While she liked the fresh start, it was with an Achilles Heel to have absolutely no confidence to do Maths.

Katy settled into Secondary School well, after the initial shock had worn off and the natural pecking order had emerged.  Again, Katy felt surprised when she was popular and friends with lots of different types of girls:  the sporty crew, the brainboxes, the messers. In fact, for the first month at Secondary School Katy constantly felt she would be ‘found out’ and  asked to leave the top class she had been placed in.  She also feared that people would realise she was tremendously ordinary and she would end up a loner.  However, as time went by Katy finally began to relax and find her way.

In the world outside of secondary school Katy and her social circle began to drift towards the realm of BOYS, simultaneously with caution and reckless abandon.  Its quite a revelation to suddenly realise tht boys are no longer the loud, smelly, silly creatures they once were.

Katy suddenly started seeing boys, including her brother’s  formerly stinky friends(spots and all) in a whole new way.  Her world was turned upside down.

Judging by the boys in her neighbourhood they had very suddenly, and simultaneously, started seeing girls in a whole new way too.  The air must have been crackling with the level of hormonal activity that seemed to have suddenly erupted in the community.

This time last year Katy and her friends had been 11 years old. Proud to be sixth class pupils at last.  Scroll forward to a year later. My god, what a rollercoaster it has been. What with sprouting boobs, body hair erupting in bizarre and most unwanted places, menstrual cycle3, spots appearing, B.O. , bad hair days, smelly feet. Jez, the list was endless. It was like constantly being on the cusp of something, with the anticipation and the ups and downs of emotions, without every knowing what the ‘Something’ actually was.

Everytime Katy felt she got a handle on the situation it turns arse over head and a new mishap or complication enters the frey, gives her a slap in the forehead and says OI,  deal with that!!

For Katy, the biggest misfortune is a newly developing habit/mishap which manifests itself in the form of furious blushing.  Jesus, it’s not even funny.  How bad can blushing be l hear you say…..BLOODY BAD is the answer. Very bloody bad. It’s so flipping random, and as far as Katy can ascertain, it often has little to do with subject matter.

For example, last week Katy and her family went to her brother, Dan’s football game.  Boys under fourteen league. There was nothing unusual in that.  The Dillons are a sporty family and all the family are involved in a range of sports. They all support each other and go to each other’s events.

Here’s the head-wreck moment though, the team captain, James, scored and all the crowd cheered. In the excitement as the supporters turned to each other to say what a cracking player James is, Katy instantly blushed from the tips of her toes to the roots of her hair.  Her scalp and the back of her neck tingled.

Katy was completely overwhelmed by the suddenness of the reaction, and even more alarmed by the ferocity of the reaction.  She was so horrified she genuinely believed the heat coming from her face could be felt all over the park.  Sweet Jesus, make it stop!!!  She fought valiantly to calm it down but it did not yield and only diminished when she had surrendered to it.

This completely frightened Katy. What was going on, and why did it happen, and why did it happen to her, had people noticed, could others sense it???? Her poor head was melting with the barrage of questions assaulting her  brain in quick succession.

However, the match continued all around her, and once she steadied herself, Katy became caught up in the match excitement again.  Before she knew it, the game was over, her brother’s team were victorious and had qualified for the league final.  There were great scenes of jubilation as  proud parents and families ran onto the field to congratulate their boys. Katy and her family joined the rest of the spectators as they formed a tunnel leading from the field to the dressing rooms. They cheered the teams off the field. Katy was chuffed to bits for her brother, she had to admit he was really really good and she was proud. She loved when her family went to the games together.

 When Katy looked again she saw her brother, somewhat bashful, walking towards them with his head down but peeking out from under his newly grown fringe, in the direction of his family.

 Finally, the biggest cheer of the day went to the Captain, James, who was quite proud, but equally mortified by all the attention.  He happened to nod in Katy’s direction by way of saying hello. As they clapped James off the field and gave him a cheer Katy was horrified to feel the renegade blush return, creeping up her neck and storming its way across her face again. 

Katy was in a total panic, and she glanced quickly at her mum, who did seem flushed too. It must be the excitement and the windy weather …yes, surely that must be it!!

As James was the last player to pass through, her dad turned and said, Right Lads, let’s make a run for the car and try to get ahead of the match traffic. Last one backs a rotten egg, an old family game, but this time, Katy felt as if she was functioning on the wrong speed, or an alternative wavelength.  Have you ever felt that?  It’s as if your brain, your mouth and your body are all on separate schedules and it’s hard to coordinate them.

Katy was the last back to the car and sat in the backseat beside her younger brother.  He was so so proud of his big brother, and so happy for the club that he launched into a chorus of “here we go, here we go, here we go………..here we go, here we go, here we gooooooooo”. 

In truth Katy would have loved to have joined in, she would always join in, but she was feeling totally out of sync.

Katy’s family usually went back to their house after the game and had a cuppa and something to eat and a good natter about the game. They would still be there  chatting when Dan got home. The chat could go on all evening. Endless pots of tea consumed around the kitchen table.

Katy’s dad was in jubilant mood so he suggested they go back to the sports club and he would treat them all to a fizzy drink and a bag of crisps.  Katy’s mind was going on a slower speed than everybody else, she would much rather go home, but she looked at her dads face, so full of happiness.  Katy thanked her dad and said that would be fantastic way to round off a great day. As she said Katy felt happier and less strange than she had done earlier.

Back at the bar in the club all the families were there chatting, tea and sandwiches were provided, crisps were flying and fizzy drinks galore. What a lovely day and a lovely way to end the weekend on such a happy note.  When the club bus arrived into the carpark and the boys arrived into the clubhouse all the families cheered.

Katy lifted her head to see if she could spot her brother Dan, and her cousin Euan. They must be still on the bus. She looked in each of the windows of the bus to look for them. As her eyes neared the back of the bus they met the eyes of James looking out. He looked less embarrassed now and far more relaxed and happy. He nodded hello again at Katy. She nodded back and more slowly than earlier she felt the heat begin to make its way to her cheeks, thankfully, just not as badly as before.

It was as if time stood still for a second. Katy could actually hear her own breathing. She could feel her heart beating.  She was suddenly aware that her mouth felt dry. mind you,  the out of sync feeling from earlier had left her.

Everything fast forwarded and she was catapulted right back into the moment. Everything was the same, except for one thing. In an instant, she could pinpoint why she blushed , when she blushed. It was crystal clear just now. The common denominator and root of the problem….JAMES. James o Leary. What in god’s name was going on. She had known him for two years now. Not very well obviously, but to see, and to say hello.

Crap, this was all happening today, very suddenly and very overwhelming and bloody confusing.

Katy’s dad broke through her reverie and said “right lads, let’s get off home and get some dinner”.

The family hopped in the car and made the short car trip to their home.  When they got inside the door at home Jo said dinner would be on the table in ten.  She glanced up the stairs at Katy who was quietly making her way to her bedroom.   Jo suddenly realised that Katy had been very quiet for a while and had not been her bubbly self.  Katy pet, are you ok?  Now that l think of it, you look at bit flushed.

              Katy’s dad Danny chimed in and said, She’s grand, aren’t ya pet, just keen to get back to your books…ha ha, isn’t that right Katy.

WELL. That snapped Katy out of it pretty quickly and  she stomped up the rest of the stairs  and into her room, banging the door for effect.

“Jesus Dan, would you leave her alone. She is bad enough without you winding her up.”

Danny played at looking remorseful, then he lurched towards his wife and grabbed her in a bear hug and gave her a big kiss on the lips.  She threw her head back and gave a hearty laugh as only she could.

Katy’s younger brother Joe mad a big show of being disgusted with them and slipped away to watch Match of The Day. Secretly he loved when his folks were affectionate. His best pal at school, Eric would happily swop places with him, his folks were getting a divorce. A DIVORCE…can you believe it. His dad won’t live with them anymore. What a nightmare. Joe loved his family and got on great with them all, he couldn’t imagine them not living under the same roof.

Katy sat on her bed and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked the same as usual, which in her mind was like a rhino with frizzy hair, and yet, she felt completely different.  She closed her eyes for a moment to steady herself, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself.

An image popped into her head like a thunder bolt. It caught her off guard. She couldn’t make it out for a second and then she could see it as clear as day.  It was James, she could see him as clearly as if he was in front of her. Tall, skinny, sallow skin, inky black hair and olive coloured eyes, and a lovely smile.  James O’ Leary, or Scout as he was known to all in the club. People called him Scout without hesitation, as if it were his actual name.  I had heard that nobody called him Scout while his mum was in earshot though as she had a habit of telling them, the last time she looked at his birthcert she was certain there was no mention of Scout on it!!!

As she thought of him, Katy realised she was blushing again. Without realising it her hand was hovering over her tummy. Katy realised she had butterflies in her tummy and her heart was beating irregularly.

Katy dragged herself back to reality.  She could hear her mum’s footsteps on the stairs, followed by a gentle knock on her bedroom door.  Katy, are you ok pet?

I’m fine mum, honestly. I think l was just a bit carsick. I will have a bit to eat and then have an early night.

Katy did go to bed early and slept all through the night but she did dream about Scout all night. She woke up flushed and flustered.  Jesus, it was like the time she had a virus.  Her mum would have her at the doctor’s office at this rate.  Katy had a fast shower, a decent breakfast and headed off to school. Thankfully, the blushing, the butterflies, the palpitations and the daydreams  stayed away and she kept busy and worked hard at school for the day.

As the Autumn turned to Winter, the local sport season  came to an end. It would recommence after Christmas, late January maybe.

It’s safe to say Scout did not enter Katys mind again. There were so many more pressing matters taking up her headspace.

Joes Communion was on the horizon.

An upcoming shopping trip with her mum, which was to include a Bra fitting of all things(Sweet Divine Jesus)

All the developments of the last year had been mortifying for Katy- sanitary towels, bras, growth spurts, hormones, personal hygiene, hair growth. Christ above, was this the start, or the end of it.