my world

My world is small and safe
and yet l would happily traverse the globe

I'd go to far flung places with my family
they are my safety net
my happy place

Yet somedays it has all l have in me
to walk up the road
to walk and get the air l crave

i think about it
i envisage it
l can feel the fresh air
and yet- I remain

Then the moment passes
Later on l reflect
i should have gone (I say)

Its not just making a pot of soup

My first memories of making soup go right back  into my early teens. So you could say l have been making soup for over 25 years now.  Making soup however is not just making soup.  As I look back over those years now ,each different stage , the making of soup has had a special significance.

In my mid teens soup making was ;Sunday nights at my best friend's house, just a few doors down the street.  She was a few years older than me and we went to different secondary schools. We saw each other during the week but not a whole lot.  I got home from school at around 5pm every day and then had dinner with my family and then started on homework.
Sunday night always felt a bit like the end of the world after the fun of the weekend spent with all of our friends, but Sunday night became about making soup.   I learned the soup making technique from my friend. We would stand shoulder to shoulder in her kitchen as l watched, and eventually helped her, as she meticulously diced onions,carrots, celery and potato. These were added to the pot with some butter and herbs.  We would be engrossed in our conversation which took us back over the activities of the weekend but the next time l would look l'd realise stock had been added and brought to the boil and then when it was set to simmer..well the kettle went on then and it was time to sit at the table and have a good natter.
When the soup was ready we would both have a small bowl, maybe with a slice of bread and butter.  Then the soup was put in containers in the fridge, and some in the freezer and that was her lunch for the week organised.

Scroll forward ten years and l am a professional working in residential care and community based family support.  The focus is on teaching life skills to young people, or to mums in need of support with feeding their families.  The real benefit though is the shared experience, the non threatening format of standing elbow to elbow with a young person/adult at a worktop. The fact that no eye contact is needed, and that there is no pressure to talk, other than the task of making the soup. The process is therapeutic,is calming. There is a shared sense of purpose and it is a great leveller.   I must say that some of the most amazing experiences of connecting with others and having meaningful interaction with them has been done chopping vegetables and stirring soup.  The sense of pride when a young person presents the finished soup to their peers is so pure and wonderful. It says here is your healthy and nutritious lunch, it is good for you in every way, it is made with love.

Years later, l am living in Australia.  Living on a budget.  Living with some who would eat instant noodles every night and others who would eat nothing but cereal. Others loved fast food.  The making of the soup again. Imagine a hostel kitchen. lots of activity, lots of chat, everybody gathered around. The soup is made, the smell begins to form and drift slowly across the large kitchen, noses twitch, eyes dart about. whats the smell they say. Tis soup l say, its for my lunch for the week...would you like to try some l say...happy chatting, happy campers, spoons clinking, scraping the last remnants of soup from the side of bowls and mugs.  Its mighty good soup eh?  It is indeed.  Soup gone, lunch for the week will be fruit and crackers. How bad eh?  Happy and well fed.  A few stragglers wandering in, admiring the smell, sorry to have missed the soup.  I'll make it again next week when l get paid.


Years on and l have finished five years of university, have found love, bought a home, gained a mortgage and started the job l have always wanted, Sunday night soup making resumes.  I make the soup and put it in take away cartons.  A good pot of soup can give me a lunch for two weeks.  My husband refuses to eat soup unless its from a packet and only one particular brand.  Really, i kid you not.  He is not a good vegetable eater either, so l incorporate the soup mix into casseroles, curries, stews and stir fries.  Feeling like l have deceived him a little bit, but feeling like l also did him a favour by helping with his five a day..I'm not good with guilt though so l confess and am relieved that he thinks its a great idea.

Its now 2014.  The soup is still going strong.  The recipe changes over the years. No butter obviously, sometimes its extra virgin olive oil, sometimes it starts off with water in the pot with herbs.  Sometimes its less potato and butternut sqush, othertimes its whatever is in the fridge.   Now, My kids enjoy making the soup with me and watching as i portion it out into individual cartons. Some is put in freezer. Some goes in the fridge.  Like mother like daughter, my wee woman loves a bowl of the soup.  Like father like son, my wee boy makes dramatic faces when l ask him to taste it.  So I continue to use it in curries and sauces, in stir fries and stews.  I havent told him yet as l want him to eat it.

-

Live..Give..Be 

Some days when we rise our heads above our own corner of the world we take a peek and reel backwards from what we see
So much bitterness and Despair and Cruelty
 Injustice is all around us, not just in the places we imagine
Its hidden in every corner and sometimes where we least expect it

So much deprivation and yet so much wealth and abundance
So much abundance, the vulgarity of it knows no bounds

And yet, True Heroes walk among us
Their Kindness is Limitless
They Gift the World themselves

Dignity, Integrity, Compassion, Empathy, Humanity, Reality

Their energy is effervescent
Their passion burns brightly
being exposed to them even for a short time makes us feel inadequate- like holding mirror to your heart and soul and seeing nothing of meaning there

To live is give
give yourself
Be present
Be real
 Be

Its that time again...DETOX

I did this at the start of the year for about five weeks and it is absolutely time to do it again.

Tomorrow is the kick off and basically it means l will  :

1.Drink very little tea.
2. Drink lots of hot water and peppermint and green tea
3. Not eat bread, pasta or rice or noodles and cut down on cheese
4.make a huge pot of my healthy soup and have it for lunch and dinner
5. Eat lots of salad and stir fries
6. Go to sleep a little early every night.
7. Go for a walk every day
8. Resist cake,biscuits, sweets,crips, chocolate,icecream,
9; Drink the kidney cleansing parsley tea l make with fresh parsley
10. Meditate or have quiet time once a day for deep breathing/relaxation.

I have to say, once l am in the zone I feel great.  These are things l should be doing everyday, but to be honest some part of it always slips over time.  However I do my absolute best to stick to it, in fact the routine and the structure of it agrees with me.

It started with a Kimono

While getting dressed this morning l looked for something light to throw on over my black dress and pants. I reached for a grey floral short kimono. it comes to the waist and hides my least favourite fleshy wobbly parts of myself.  its so light, and pretty and as l love black clothes it goes with pretty much everything.
l thought  to myself how  great it would be to have a short kimono jacket  in every colour.
Within a minute l was daydreaming of having my own market stall, selling simple kimonos, short to waist, three quarter length sleeve, in every colour. i can see my stall in my minds eye with the kimonos lined up on hangers in order of colour running from dark to warm to light and bright.
I imagined the bags i would put the sold kimonos in and the logo on the side.
My mind quickly  jumped to accessorising. Some might wear the kimono jacket open, but others like me might like to fasten them at the waist with a ribbon, or a belt. Others might opt for a brooch fastening it at the empire line. I could sell ribbons and fabric belts, as well as felt brooches. I could also sell bangles and beads and baubles.  These too are a few of my favourite things.
.I imagined dropping my kids to school every morning  and then heading onto to a market. I could set up my stall for the day and wind it down after lunch in time to collect the kids from school. Maybe at weekends  I'd be taking the kids with me to help out, visiting festivals and events with our own trailer and stall.

..beep beep. there goes the washing machine to jolt me out of my reverie, but as day dreams go, it was lovely.

Tuesday dreaming

Well here l am. Its Tuesday morning, kids are at school. the house is silent.
After two weeks off school on their EAster Break, l do appreciate the silence.
I had a great time while they were off and l like to think they had a great break, we did lots of things. I took my daughter to England for a surprise weekend break, her dad took her for her first hike.
i had lots of quality time cuddling with my son. Its what he really enjoys. We went for nice walks around the neighbourhood, well me on foot, the kids on bikes/scooters.  We planted flowers, went to garden centres, visited family.
I had lots of play dates for them, school friends and cousins over to visit. The weather was great so they got to have picnics outside in garden with their friends.
I  have to admit though, by  Sunday night l absolutely tanked. the energy that had carried me through the holidays seemed to evaporate.  Im glad to say that instead of battling it, l just went with it and embraced it. There is nothing quite like laying down on sofa with a blanket, lights out and candles going. that lovely state of not sleeping but not fully awake either.
I did the same last night after the kids had gone to bed and l must say that it is such a nice way to wind down after a busy few weeks.

 l had a busy start this morning, same as every other mum: school run, putting on wash, making beds, tidying up after breakfast, loading and unloading dishwasher nd washing machine, folding and putting away laundry.
BUT now, its time for tea and toast and some nice music playing in background.
MAGIC

Why bad radio is rewarded and the good shows are shoved aside

I do enjoy listening to radio. Good radio that is.   Over the years myself and my husband had some favourite radio shows which we preferred to tune into weekly rather than watch television.  Many years ago our favourite thing to listen to was the Fionn O'LEary Show on Radio One on Sunday nights. It wasnt just that he played classical and opera music, but that Fionn would transport you to the country of the performer but he would give an insight into the performers life. We would be in raptures as he transported us to Modena , hometown of Luciano Pavarotti.  He would regale us with stories of the Modena Choir, which featured Pavarotti's father, performing in Cork.  Sadly, this show was discontinued and replaced with a much more bland version, without the wonderful Fionn O' Leary with his enchanting voice.
In more recent years we really enjoyed the Cormac Battle Show on sunday nights.  A wonderful blend of rock anthems.  A wonderfully enthusiasitic presenter with a great affinity with his listeners.  Again sadly, this show was taken off the air, a victim of the radio station- 2FM doing a big reshuffle

Then the ultimate insult. the Tom Dunne show gets moved from its morning slot. A warm, witty, intelligent, presenter with a show that was very enjoyable morning listening gets shoved to a later night slot. WHY? WHY?

.What l do not like are Talk Shows. The Talk Shows that are hosted by arrogant,opinionated and thoughtless presenters.  I avoid them completely but am aware how many people are hooked on them and treat the presenters with a reverance as if they were an authority on pretty much everything.

Late,Last night l had to take a very sick child to a medical centre  .  As we sat in the waiting room, my little woman lay across me, listless, we had the misfortune to be subjected to a talk show on the radio being played out loud.
It was Classic Hits 4FM. Not a station l have ever even heard of to be honest.  The presenter, Niall Boylan, one of these arrogant, obnoxious presenters with a Guy Hollywood accent.  l cannot abide this calibre of presentler.
Obviously these presenters are cherry picked for their personalitys, their opinions, and their ability to shock, be controversial and to antagonise listeners so it encourages dialogue.  I understand this.

What l cannot tolerate is the deliberate intent to offend, to antagonise, to distress. In addition to this, there is the lack of consistent opinion or view but a constant contradiction of opinions.

Last night i had to endure this guy discussing the amount of money the HSE spends on cosmetic operations for members of the public.  The total spend for last year was quoted as €3.2 million.  It obviously covered a whole range of surgical proceedures. However, Mr. Boylan chose to specifically focus on breast surgeries.
HE went on to say that the women of Ireland were telling their sob stories to the HSE about their unhappinness with the size of their breasts, be it too large , or too small, and then the HSE were paying for the surgeries.

What l found hugely offensive, and unsettling was the following :
Mr. Boylan focused specifically on women who have breast enlargement surgery. He said "We pay for these surgeries so to be far we should all get a feel off them ".  All these women are benefitting from operations we paid for so "why shouldn't we all get a feel off them".

I was horrified. Who the hell is this guy? What radio station manager thinks its ok to say something like this.
Worst of all my seven year old daughter is looking up at me, wide eyed, saying, why is that man saying those things about women. Thats not very appropriate is it?
 I looked at her and said l was sorry she had heard it, l had tried to keep talking quietly to her so she wouldnt hear it.  I explained to her that he was just saying crazy things to try to get more people listen to his show.

I have never done this before but l actually texted the show and said
"You should be ashamed. Shameful lack of respect for women. Am at hospital with a sick child and your show is on the air. Its hard to explain your thoughtless comments to my child."

A few minutes later, Mr. Boylan read my text out on the air and instead of focusing on my comments about lack of respect for women, he chose to target me as a bad parent for letting my child listen to what is clearly an ADULT SHOW, eventhough l had explained it was on air in hospital waiting room.

I sent a brief reply to the show saying " The show is on in the hospital A&E. I cannot control that.I wasted a text on you. I do know it is an adult show".

Obviously Mr. Boylan is not the only radio show of its sort on Irish radio, but for me, it was the one l had the misfortune to be subjected to.  And while l can ensure l never have to listen to it again EVER, its upsetting to think that presenters  are paid to ridicule women and make throwaway comments that are rude, incredible offensive and disrespectful to women. Especially when quality shows seem to be cast aside.  what does that say about audiences?